Why Networking Feels So Gross and What to do Instead

Prior to 2020 a networking event looked like this, you go to a conference or speaker and as part of the event the organizers would build in 20 minutes of ‘networking time.’ During this time you get a drink and either buzz around from circle table to circle table trying to hit it off with the right people being effervescent but not annoying and trying to think of the right questions to ask. Or you stand at said circle table waiting to see if someone will buzz over to you. Either way you’re really hoping you don’t get stuck in a conversation with a dud, or worse yet, that you’re the dud that someone will feel stuck while talking to. The whole thing is a nightmare. I don’t know anyone who was ever looking forward to the networking portion of an event. Why would you that’s horrible and really what is the best-case scenario? It is not as if once you meet Suzie What’s-her-face who works at…. I can’t really remember where; you’re going to make enough of an impression in the 5 minutes you actually talk that will last for any reason. I was at an internal networking event one time, where the company set up the event, so you were networking with people in different departments within our same company. They had all of us sit in chairs facing each other they would put questions on the screen at the front of the room. You had 30 seconds to answer the question to the person sitting in front of you, they would do the same in their 30 seconds, and then the line moved down one seat. So every minute you were answering a new question like What was your last vacation? What is the scariest thing you’ve ever done? Would you rather have 3 arms or be invisible? Then you would slide down a chair and do it all over again with a new friend you haven’t met yet. Was it a fun event? Yes. Did it do anything to increase my network? No.

Why do we even have networking events? I’m pretty sure networking events were created for two reasons. One was to strategically place down time at events. If you have an hour during a conference where you need to flip a room or fill time between speakers, call it networking time. The other is an attempt to speed up the process of real connection building. Cultivating a truly connected network is very important for long term success in your career and it is a long process to get there so I can see the appeal of speeding it up, the problem is, it is meant to be long.

Often times people think of building their network as being helpful in finding a new job, and it can be very important for that. You can have the best resume in the world with the most experience but if it’s in a stack of 50 other resumes and the hiring manager doesn’t have any reason to pick it up, you might not get the interview. Now, it certainly isn’t required that you have an ‘in’ at a company to get a job there but who you know certainly does help you get a chance to make that first impression. What if you’re not planning to leave your job though? Is building out your network really that important if you’re not looking for something new right now? First of all, it doesn’t happen overnight so this isn’t something you can do because you want to look for something new, you have to already have the network built. However, building a network is so much more than helping you get into another company or department of your current company. Your network also helps you right where you’re at.

My network has helped me in problem solving, giving advice, ability handle situations you can’t. I have reached out to a great leader in my network for advice on a particularly rough staff situation. I relied on the skills of my favorite mathematician as I was building out a calculator in Excel. I worked with a select group of wicked smart women from across the company to solve an interdepartmental problem. The great thing that happened there was, where I didn’t have a contact in one department, I knew I could rely on those ladies to point me to someone who could help. Just the same as I rely on my network to find a great plumber when I’m having water issues, I will rely on my network at work to find me the right IT person to with my access question. Then you know what, with time, said IT person might become part of my network too.

Are you sold yet on why building your network is so important? OK great, then how do we do it? This is one of those simple but not easy answers. To increase and improve your network and realize all the benefits of having a great one, you have to be a resource to other people. Basically, you have to become part of someone else’s network and provide value to them, that is how you build your own. Simple right? The part that makes it not so easy is just the time component. When someone says their looking for help on a project, help if you can. When they need to know the name of someone in Marketing and you can at least point them in the right direction, do it. Do the work to be part of someone’s network and you’ll find yours growing. While you’re at it, make some small talk. Share a couple things about yourself that are memorable and remember a few things about those you’re working with. It can certainly be more difficult with Zoom meetings and virtual huddles but while you’re waiting for Suzie to get logged in for the 5th time, ask Tom what he did over the weekend and be genuinely curious about his fishing trip or bathroom remodel and then check in on it the next time you talk.

That’s it. That’s the non glamorous, non speed dating version of networking that works. Build true connections through communication, adding value, and building trust. We were all given different gifts and talents, using them to add value to others increases the abilities of each of us. It may not get you to a LinkedIn following of 10,000 but each one will be a true connection.