What to do When You Outgrow Something You Loved

If you have or love little ones chances are you have seen them outgrow something that tugged at your heart. A favorite outfit, a toy they used to love, or a stage that you truly adored has come and gone. When the kids outgrow something on their terms they tend to handle it well. They switch to a new toy or favorite cup seemingly overnight. When we try to force it, not so much. They do not appreciate when we say they’ve outgrown something and try to force them to something new, they aren’t ready. Flash forward 20, 30, 40 some years and we’re not particularly comfortable with outgrowing something at all, on our terms or forced. Are you ready to find out what to do about it?

One of one million examples for kids

One of my favorite toys of the kids was a hit with all three but none more so than with the youngest. All three of our guys loved a walker we had that looked like a Skidoo snowmobile. (If you follow along in the winter at all you know we’re big snowmobilers. In fact, I have whole posts about it. So of course, we start them young.) It had adorable little handlebars that would rev when you pulled them. We even put a few sled stickers on it so you couldn’t mistake it. The oldest was such a tiny little guy I’d have to stick blankets or towels around him to keep him upright in it. The middle boy would race around the house in it even as a baby. Our youngest you could barely pull out of the thing. Truth is, by the time it got to him it was past its prime. Some of the noises didn’t work consistently and there was yuck in parts that was really hard to clean.

He did not care. He would want to walk with it, play with the buttons, or even just sit in it. That guy just loved it so much. Then one day, he learned that he was faster without it. It was like he got up one morning and realized that if he didn’t have this giant circle on wheels around him, he could run faster, hide easier, and get outside without needing an adult. (A little risky but from his perspective; sweet, right?!) He just stopped climbing in it. He stopped needing it to be available in the living room. When I put it in the basement storage, he barely realized it was gone.

How does that work for me?

As I pointed out in the intro, it’s not that easy for adults. You don’t typically just realize the walker you’ve been comfortable in and relying on is no longer needed and just walk away. This could be said for so much in the world of adulting. If I had a dollar for every relationship or friendship that I stayed in because it felt like I should, not to mention every job, I would have outgrown full time work at this point, I think. I don’t want to admit I’ve outgrown anything. Even something like jeans, or a top I’d rather stay the same, let alone something that I’ve identified with and people expect of me.

My first ‘real’ job.

I was in a claim adjusting role for years. In the beginning it was a little overwhelming with the amount of work to do that faded and I found my grove within a couple months. While I appreciated that I could help people, that was about all I appreciated. For me, doing the same basic steps each day felt monotonous. People told me no day is the same, and I guess truly they were right, but it wasn’t different enough for me. There is always something to learn in every position. This is a true statement however, that doesn’t mean you can’t outgrow it and learn similar things in a new way somewhere else. I had outgrown this one in about 3 years, and yet, I stayed. I stayed and got promoted, handling more complex but still very similar claims. It was as if I had small t-shirt off and put on a medium one knowing full well I’m a large. I mean I guess it’s better, but not what I needed because it still didn’t fit.

When I finally decided to step into something new, it was still claim handling adjacent. I just wasn’t ready to set down that part of me. It was all I knew of the professional world and the thought of starting over was scary. If I’m honest, I guess if still is. This type of work is all I know and while I am so glad I found that large sized t-shirt so I was comfortable, it wasn’t long into that one that I realized it wasn’t really the t-shirt at all that I was after.

Yes, yes, yes I’m hearing every word, now what?

Now, outgrowing something does not mean that you hate it. It does not mean that there is nothing left to be learned or gained from it. It just means that you’re ready for a new and different kind of challenge. This is a good thing my friend. So if you’re in this spot, I have a few tips for you.

Don’t let gratitude get in your way.

I was so thankful to have a job that I was learning from that it kept me from wanting more. This is a prime example of where something good was keeping me from something great. If good suddenly doesn’t feel like good enough, go out and find your something great.

Use fear as a motivator, not a deterrent

Is it scary to do something new and leave an old identity behind? Heck yes, it is! There is a cost to going into the unknown and risks associated with it. There are risks to not doing it too. I am not going to tell you to ignore the fears and anxieties, it doesn’t work and if you can make it work it might be irresponsible. So, understand the fears objectively on both sides (meaning you might have to come up with what would be scary about staying in your outgrown spot) and make a plan. Decide what you can control for and what you just have to accept. Allow your fears to help move you forward.

You don’t have to hate where you are

While you’re preparing to make a change and find a place for yourself that does fit, remember, there are still good things about where you’re at. Remind yourself what you do love about the comfort and ease of something you’ve outgrown. Another quick lesson from kids, you know that walker I was talking about? We still have it and my now nearly 4 year old still pulls it out now and then to sit in it. He gets stuck and I am certain will break it one of these days. He gets bored with it within minutes but lights up just to pull it out for a moment. You can enjoy the old too, even just for a few minutes, and savor those opportunities knowing full well you’re moving in the direction of your right fit.