Was I Ever Really Stuck?

Have you ever felt stuck? Like there are no good options let along great ones to run after so you’re stuck in the not so great state you’ve been in a while. Or maybe there are great options out there but they would come with too much risk or confirmed negative consequences that you’re just not ready to put on the table. So there you are, stuck. Stuck in your job, stuck in your relationship, stuck in your patterns self soothing through food or drink or social media or screens.

There have been plenty of times in life where I felt just like that, stuck. Stuck between that rock and a hard place with no way out. The thing is though, the rock and hard place assumes the only option is forward or back. It assumes this or that. If you think about it, it’s pretty two dimensional. Could the person facing the rock take 2 steps to the side and find a new opportunity? What if they climbed the rock? Could they actually climb the mountain rather than being frustrated they couldn’t push through it?

The time I was stuck in a kayak.

I enjoy kayaking. Am I good at it? Well, I don’t typically fall out and I can get to what I want to see or do. So, sure, but that is admittedly a pretty low bar. I have mostly done lake kayaking so far and while I do want to learn more about river kayaking. I’ve only been on rivers a few times and my husband and I don’t always choose the best routes. We have landed ourselves in pretty dangerous situations with no option but to go down rapids we have no business being on. That is a tale for another time.

Recently however we did choose a great route near our house. We put in with smooth shallow water and the plan was to paddle down about 3 miles to a park where we could take out. I just wanted to paddle and take in the trees and the birds while my husband brought a long his fishing gear to play his hand at catching trout. We stayed together in the beginning but as we would come to some small rapids he would paddle in front while I followed behind. He paddled slower and I needed momentum to avoid getting stuck on the rocks. This caused me to knock into him. I decided the best solution was for me to take the lead so I continued paddling when he stopped to fish.

Getting stuck in the kayak.

As I would paddle along myself I kept my momentum up which helped me to not get stuck. However I would try to hang back from time to time and wait for him. This was meant to be a date after all and I didn’t want to ditch him. It seemed that every time he caught up and I started to boat with him again I would get stuck. Now, for those of you who don’t know getting stuck in a kayak is as frustrating as it is comical to watch. You’re sitting flat inside the boat with your feet straight out ahead of you. You rock forward and back a lot like a kid trying to get their sled started at the top of a hill. There is also a paddle that you can try to push yourself off with often with limited success. Getting unstuck takes time.

We continued down and approached some rapids. There was a large flat rock that I could see close to the surface. (These are the worst places to get stuck.) I was behind my husband again and too close to make any assertive moves so the current took me right on top of this stupid rock. Ugh. I started rocking. I started using my paddles to try and push me backward. This was now about the 10th time I’d gotten stuck this trip so for a moment.

So what did I do?

I just stopped. I sat in my stuck boat watching the water move around me. How frequently I was getting stuck was getting annoying. I’m good at this dang it. I can kayak. What is happening? While I sat, I noticed that the rock wasn’t as close to the surface as I thought. I took my paddle and just, paddled, and woosh came right off the rock. As it turns out, I was never actually stuck. I thought I was trapped on a rock I could just paddle right off. I’m a competent woman and this rock was barely touching my boat and my mind kept me stuck there. This happened a handful more times as we continued down the river. I felt the boat get stuck, took one paddle, and was moving again. The only difference, I didn’t sit on the rock thinking about how stuck I was.

Why do you care?

Why on earth did I tell you this story? Truly it’s not even that good of a story so why would you care? I told you to provide you some perspective. I care (and hopefully you do too) because often the best lessons come from simple situations.

We can all think of a dozen times we’ve felt stuck like that. Whether it is stuck in an argument you can’t figure out how to win. Or maybe you’re stuck in a dead-end job you’re miserable in. Or maybe you just can’t make a decision and you’re feeling stuck between choice A and B. Have you considered if, like me, you were never really stuck at all? Perhaps the simple choice or decision, the one you’re skipping over in your frustration, is the right one. It’s difficult to know the difference between being stuck and being trapped in your head, so I have a few tips.

Take a minute to breathe it in.

I ended up doing this out of frustration, but you wouldn’t have to. Before you get overly frustrated just take a breath and step back. Not to get too woo woo, but connect to your senses. For me it was looking at the water and hearing the birds. For you it could be feeling the chair you’re sitting in. Smelling the air or looking at an object beyond arm’s length. If you need a little more, come up with three things to be grateful for that directly relate to what you’re stuck on. Remember, you’re competent too and while being stuck might be frustrating taking a second to slow down and figure it out will help you avoid the problem the next time.

Consider what others are doing.

For me this was watching my husband not get stuck. Why was that? What was he doing differently and what was different about his circumstances that allowed him to move? For you, it could be anyone who is in a similar situation and handling it differently. Don’t compare yourself to them but do take the time to analyze what about the situation is similar and different. Is there anything you can learn?

Use more than the get unstuck tools.

This one is the most important. If you’re feeling trapped or stuck, you have to get creative with the tools you have. We can tend to only use our tools for getting unstuck and forget that we have a whole arsenal of options we’re not even considering. I focused on just shifting back and forth and pushing with my paddle. Those might have worked if I was stuck or they might not have. Remembering you have more at your disposal and getting creative to come up with more will get you gliding to where you want to be.

You stuck with me to the end of this story for the tools, thanks. If you’re really looking to make a difference and get unstuck in anything from health, to career, or just making the most of your potential, and more check out the free resources.