How to Find a Mentor & the 1 Thing Stopping You

Find a mentor they say. Get a mentor that can help you process things and provide you insight and advice. Work with a mentor who can open doors for you and help you along the way. I mean, that sounds great but where and how do I ‘find a mentor?’ It is not as though people are just lined up waiting to give me their time and expertise at any moment of the day. Is there a website I should be consulting on to pull from the registered list of mentors and coaches? Well, no. Finding someone to assist in guiding you in your career or any aspect of life takes work. You have to know who you want to work with and what style would resonate best with you. You have to know what you actually want them to do for you. It’s a whole thing, but it is easier than you think.

Even a kid can find a mentor

Let’s start with a story of one of my little guys. My eldest has a lot of identities. I mean, he sees himself as a farmer tending to his herds and crops. He sees himself as a dirt bike and four-wheeler racer. He will also run construction, do all his own excavation, and handle the business side as well. There are countless other hobbies the boy has or would like to get into from RC cars, to gaming, to biking, you name it. In terms of his career though, these are typically the three he plans for. My husband and I know something about construction and business. We certainly can’t help all that much on the farming and racing aspirations.

This child though, is not afraid to find his tribe and ask the questions. When he is at the race shop getting gear for his dirt bike or ‘quad’ (as I’ve been informed, they are called now) he is asking questions and talking about his goals. When we go out to dinner or to church, he is looking for the farmers. At any opportunity, he is asking about the location, what they farm, the size of the operation, on and on. You know what, people love it. His passion is infectious, and people love to answer his questions. People invite him out to their place and show him around. They answer more questions, let him do a little work for them, and he is in heaven. In his 9 years this boy has been invited to more farms than I even knew we’d come in contact with. He has a couple of racers and farmers who now check in on him and how he’s doing in both.

If it’s so easy a kid can do it, why can’t I?

So how did he do that? How can we turn that happy accident of a kid finding mentors in exactly what he needed by accident into a formula that can work for you? I’ll be honest, pulling out the steps and creating the how is the easy part. There is one key difference between my son, and so many of us, courage. That boy is afraid to talk to strangers and ask them all the things, sure, but he doesn’t let that stop him. He steps right into that fear and does it anyway. Do you want to know why? Because his goals are bigger than the fear. He knows that he won’t get where he wants to be in life without learning more. He doesn’t let his fear that he won’t know everything overshadow his desire to learn.

OK I get it, but for real, what are the steps to finding a mentor?

1. Know what you want to learn.

You have to start somewhere and knowing, at least directionally, what you want is a really great place to start. Don’t worry so much about the exact lesson you need, chances are you don’t know exactly what you don’t know. start by getting clear on what you want and where you want to go.

2. Look for organic opportunities to find your tribe.

Mentorship is best found organically. Yes, you can join a program or ‘sign up’ for one. However, how do you know if that will connect you with someone who is the right fit? Look for your mentors ‘out in the wild’ doing the thing you want to be doing. Better yet, get to know those who seem like they would be a good fit for you and try to find out what their hobbies and passions are. Maybe you’ll find that both of you are connected to an organization, or you both love biking and you’ll connect on something right off the bat.

3. Let your passion and curiosity show, it is infectious at any age.

Do not be afraid to let your curiosity out. People appreciate that. It doesn’t matter if you’re 9 or 59, asking all the questions, verifying understanding, and allowing your passion for a topic to show, stands out in all the right ways. You’ll create an impression that makes other’s want to share their wisdom with you.

4. Build on the relationship and watch it grow.

Once you’ve identified what you want to learn, who you can learn it from, and you’ve felt out those relationships a bit with genuine connection, pour into it. Ask for the follow up meeting, tell them what you want to learn more about, find a mentor that fits you best and invest in the time for you and out of respect for them.

5. Through all of that, keep your courage.

Will every single one of those steps be scary? You bet it will be. Does that mean you can’t do it? Heck no! Do it even though you’re scared. Not only will you develop the skill you were looking for in the first place, but you’ll build your courage in the meantime. Take a lesson from a kid finding his farming mentors in life, push past that fear. Your goals are bigger than your fear. You won’t get where you want to be in life without learning more. Don’t let your fear that you won’t know everything overshadow your desire to learn.