If you spend much time on social media or with people who read anything on personal development, you’ll hear a lot about the importance of growth. If you’re not growing you’re dying, they’ll say. Development and continued effort is critical to growth. You’re supposed to be growing as a partner, growing as a parent. You’re supposed to show growth in your career, your faith, physically, and emotionally. Let’s get this straight though, growth is hard. It is hard and sometimes good is good enough. Right? You don’t have to show growth in every area, do you? I am pretty sure we won’t be measured by our growth at the end of our days. So why bother? Why not just let it ride when you hit good enough? You totally can, it’s your choice.
Let’s start with why growth is hard
Growth is hard for 3 reasons. First, you have to know where you want to grow. Then you have to be willing to get uncomfortable and lean into things you don’t understand. Finally, you have to do the consistent work to change. If you think about it, growth takes weeks or months or years if we’re honest. Not every aspect of life is worth that.
Let’s take this to practical terms.
If I want to grow as a mother, I first need to decide what that means. Is the goal to have my kids listen better? Be more open with me? To have more fun with them? Then, I can learn more about what that takes. I can read parenting books, listen to podcasts, enroll in a course, and so on. Finally, I need to implement the strategies. Be ready to give myself a little grace and a lot of tough love, to inevitably reflect back after 6 months or more to see if I made a difference. That is a lot of work, and with all the other factors at play (other influences on my kids, my stress, etc) I won’t even know for sure if my efforts made a difference.
Growth does have its rewards, and not just the end result
Take for example my husband. He loves hunting, more than I think I’ve loved any hobby, ever. He is devoted to growth in his hunting ability and opportunities. (OK so he would never phrase it that way but that is true.) This man eats, sleeps, and breathes hunting. Most specifically, deer hunting. He watches videos on how to best create food plots, watering holes, rubbing sticks, etc to bring in deer. He watches game cameras all year round to understand the deer that are in the area and what their patterns are. His buddies (fellow hunters) and he discuss plans and new ideas to compare perspectives. He then, benefits from the growth regardless of how his hunt the following season goes because he is thriving in learning and implementing in an area he’s passionate about.
You’ve heard that working toward a goal benefits you even if you don’t achieve it? That’s because the work you’re putting toward it is fulfilling on its own merit. So for him, it isn’t that he needs to improve his hunting abilities or options. It’s not as though he is struggling to see deer or there is any real problem he needs to solve. He just loves developing in this area and growing himself as a hunter and good steward of the land and developing his prospects.
But you can’t go that hard everywhere
I just said that my husband eats, sleeps, and breathes hunting. It is simply not possible for any of us to take that much intensity to every aspect of our lives. So, while I don’t think you need to go that hard to continue your growth in any area, you can see why prioritization is important. Clearly there are some areas of life that you really wouldn’t bother with growth in. (Ahem, I do not intend to grow in my ability to keep a clean house. My status quo is working just fine and will remain as is thank you very much.) Then just accept that that is OK. I hereby give you permission to let go of growth and perfection in all things. That means, if you get some feedback on a mistake you’ve made in an area you’re not growing in, you take it with a little less salt than those in areas you are growing in. For example, I have let go of perfection in my casual emails. I’ll take more time to proofread and review more formal memos however the email conversations with the team or peers, not an area I’m spending as much time on. When someone reaches out to tell me I spelled something wrong or I see I worded it funny after the fact, oh well.
What do I do next?
You have to determine what areas you want to grow in enough to make it worth the effort. In any one area of life, you can start asking yourself some questions to help make that decision. Where are you hoping this growth will take you? What areas will move the needle most? What inspires you and feels exciting? Then reflect objectively on your current state. For example, if you’re looking to grow in your ability to lead large meetings but your palms start sweating every time you have to speak up in your team huddle, your growth will take a little longer to get to the goal. Remember though, growth is more than the destination. Finally, as always, you have to do the work. That is obviously easier when it is something that lights you up as much as hunting does for my husband, however, having the goal and the why in mind will certainly help propel you in that direction. So, get out there and do it; you got this.