There is a theme going around to just move on from mistakes. Don’t give any misstep a second thought and continue on. I can understand where that thought might have originated, likely with all the right intentions. It will create a slippery slope though that will take you away from where you want to be. When you make a mistake, never just move on and forget it. When you do, you’ll be bound to repeat it or worse yet, double down on it. You don’t want to dwell on your mistakes, but you certainly don’t want such a key opportunity for development to fly by. There is a unique balance to strike when it comes to making mistakes of dissecting to learn from it and letting go and moving on.
The perfect example of letting go too quickly
I made a really dumb mistake the recently. Typically, I wouldn’t resort to name calling but I say dumb because it was 100% avoidable and I made the wrong decision. Here’s what happened; I was asked to provide analysis on some data for a report and I missed the deadline. OK, so you’d think maybe that was the mistake but not really. I mean, it was an accident but that wasn’t the mistake I’m talking about. My dumb mistake came when I realized I missed the deadline. After I assumed that they’d moved on with the report without my input, I just deleted the request. I didn’t own up to missing the deadline or ask if anything was still needed. I was asked for analysis and I deleted the request. Not my best moment.
About a week later I was asked if I’d ever sent my input. Feeling silly, sent my reply saying no and explaining what happened. Then I feverishly started working on my response again without asking for a game plan or letting anyone know what I was doing. Another mistake.
Third times a charm, maybe.
The report was sent out as finalized moments later before I could provide my input. I guess you could say I made three mistakes there, or the same one over and over. This was a fail in communication on my part over and over again. The silver lining, I did own the mistake and didn’t make up some lame excuse about my email being too full or not having enough time. That was a positive but mix it in with so many fails, and I think it averages out to probably C- work in that situation.
When I talked with the report owner after the fact they were very gracious in telling me it was completely fine and that they had easily added some high-level thoughts where they asked for my more refined input. I could have totally left it at that and moved on. I could have, but I didn’t.
Why not let the mistake go?
Maybe you didn’t catch it, but I did let myself off the hook with the first misstep. Originally, when I missed the deadline, I just clicked delete and moved on. No harm, I mean, if they really needed something they would have reached out again, right? Clearly not. I missed an opportunity to learn from my mistake and grow in my communication. Instead, I could have seen the error, said ‘Ope’ (because in Wisconsin that’s how we accept responsibility) and sent a follow up to see if more was needed. I would have shown humility, built rapport, and had an opportunity to provide the needed information. Further than that, I would have saved both the report owner and I some time in redoing the work and playing catch up in email.
That might sound like a lot of pressure to put on one little click of the delete key, but consistent action becomes your accepted norm. This little event that probably collectively took 15 minutes over the course of two weeks illustrates it so perfectly. My shrug off of the original mistake snowballed again and again. Imagine what a bigger, or more consistent mistake could turn into.
So instead of shrugging it off consider asking yourself some questions when something like this comes up for you.
- What was the impact of that choice?
- How did it harm or help other people or plans?
- What led to me making that decision?
- Was it the best decision I could make at the time with the information I had?
- Is there a way I could have gotten more or better information?
You have to let it go eventually, right?
You certainly cannot hold onto mistakes, big or small, for very long though. These things can get distorted in your head growing much larger with much bigger impact than they originally had. The key is to hold it, and reflect on it, just enough to learn from it for the next time. Your mistakes should serve to make you better. As soon as your mistake isn’t serving you, let it go.
When a thought won’t leave, a mistake that I’d made just won’t get out of my head I start to treat it like a nagging parent and I’m the teenager. After I’ve heard, you messed up, too many times I respond, in my head of course with a little bit of attitude. Something like, Yeah, I got it. Anything else you wanted me to learn here? Imagine your best 15-year-old snark accompanying that part. I’m not sure if it is just me or not but certainly worth a try if you have learned everything you think you needed from a given misstep and the thought just won’t stop nagging you.
The moral of the story is, sit in your mistakes, just not too long.
A mistake, misstep, or downright fail is a golden opportunity. Don’t miss out on the potential to learn from it because you’re too scared to sit in it for a moment. Once you have all you need though, let it go. Let yourself off the hook. You’d very likely not hold the level of accidents or wrong decisions over a friend’s head once they understood and accepted the wrong, so why hold it over your own?