Over the years I have learned countless lessons from others. Sometimes it is a brand-new concept that I wasn’t aware of. More often though it is the solidification of the something I ‘know’ but have trouble being consistent in. Who are these others I’m always learning from? Well, often, they are my kids. I would have what seemed like a complex corporate politics, time management, sales, or project related problem at work. Only to come home to find these amazingly inspiring teachers help me learn it in a much simpler way.
Navigating office politics
My eldest is so interested in business. He loves to learn about all of the office politics, how you navigate it, and how you make decisions knowing it’s a factor. He often chimes in with comparisons questions related to school. He’ll say things like ‘so basically you’re class president but you still have to work with the teacher, and the principal gets to make the decision.’ Keeping in his terms I’ll explain my problem. Sometimes the class president has to convince the teacher so that they can get the principal on board. How would you do that?
It is amazing to see his little mind working to dissect a problem like that. He’ll say something that helps me strip away the complexity and see it for what it is. ‘Depends on what you want. A day to wear hats? Just ask. If it’s the sucker sale to raise money for a family, you tell them why you want it.’ He’s exactly right. If you’re trying to convince a higher up that they or the team should do something first pick your priorities. Something trivial or that seems trivial to them, like his day to wear hats, needs to be approached in a simplistic and direct way. In school it’s an engagement driver and a reward. The same as casual Friday in the office or funny backgrounds on the Zoom call.
Adding a fund raiser to help a family, that’s more delicate. It might not fit the plan but is a good idea to help a great cause. This might be similar to investigating software that can make the customer’s life much easier. It maybe wasn’t in the annual plan but would be a good idea. It’s a higher priority likely and takes a more delicate and deliberate description of the why. If I have this type of issue but I’m treating it like a hat day, I need to retool my messaging.
Remembering the people
My middle boy is all about the people. This kid is probably the most inspiring teacher I’ve ever had on inclusion and the kid has never heard of a D&I initiative. He loves imaginative play and will set up elaborate farms with all of the animals. I’ll sometimes mention that there isn’t enough room for all the different animals, and maybe this should just be a dairy farm so we can get rid of the horses, pigs, chickens, etc. No. We will make it bigger Mom, there is room for everyone. I actually wrote a whole post on him teaching me to Make a Bigger Circle, check that out here.
He does it on the school yard too because he’s always on the lookout for skills. This small man is ready to work and play with anyone and values them for what makes them special. Tommy is great at finding the right sticks for the fort. Timmy can help him finger knit all of the blankets. Kimmie is the fastest runner and a good pick for kick ball. Sarah is just a really good friend and works with everyone. Jimmy doesn’t always want to play with me but I’m happy when he does.
No one gets left out or is put on the sidelines. Everyone has a role to fill and is involved in the work and play. He just simply cannot see any other way to do it. So, when I am building a team or am tempted to leave someone on the side lines, I am reminded to look for what makes them special and what they add to the group.
Authentic Persuit of Happiness
My littlest guy is a lot. He is so full of love and happiness that it is seeping out of his every pore. I could not count the times he has said, I love you. Snuggle me. One more hug. Or how many times he has made me and anyone else around cry with laughter. He is crazy smart one of a kind and is well aware of both things. Now, this can get frustrating, but it also forces you to up your game. When you have a crazy smart four-year-old who knows he stands out and expects that everyone would meet or exceed him in this area, you have no choice but to raise the bar for yourself.
When he wants something, he simply will not take no for an answer. I don’t mean in a lay on the floor kicking and screaming kind of way (though that is a thing sometimes). If he wants something he works on it, talks about it, recruits assistance, and makes sound arguments. He successfully negotiated a later bedtime because ‘I am 4 and 4 is a lot. I am a school age-er and my brothers stay up later.’ All valid points. He also wants a horse. I’m not saying he’s getting one, but he has told everyone he is. He found one he wants, spoke to the farmer for a price, and scouted an area for a horse barn. He even told his brother to quit baseball, so we have time to care for a horse in the summer. All of this, not only because he loves horses, but because he wants to marry his girlfriend (of 1 1/2 years) on horseback where they first met, day care. I mean come on. If that doesn’t inspire you to get crystal clear and laser focused on your dreams, I don’t know what will.
How do you lead these most inspiring teachers?
You lead them pretty similarly to anyone you truly want to lead rather than manage. Foster their ability to use their gifts. Give clear feedback to encourage and correct the behaviors you want to see. Set boundaries and encourage full use of the space within them. Have consequences for when those boundaries are crossed.
Ok but really, how?
That’s all-lovely right? I mean, it’s true but you wanted something a little more concrete. So here it goes. For my oldest, we bring him into the conversation. When my husband and I talk business, leadership, and the differences and similarities of our industries, we include him. We pause for his questions and be sure to highlight important aspects and relate them back to work. We ask him what he thinks and when he makes a good point we tell him so. When he’s wrong, I explain that I can see his perspective and then provide more clarity.
With the middle guy, we talk a lot about relationships. He is encouraged to include everyone and lead other friends to do the same. This heightened sense of people and inclusivity means that exclusivity and bullies are painfully apparent. If you’ve read, If It’s Not Broke Don’t Fix It, you know we take a supportive role in navigating the tough times to help kids build resilience and perseverance. Leading him through this looks like supporting him at home to handle it at school. We talk through strategies to deal with those situations, resources and people to help when it gets out of hand, and what we/he would do differently if we were in their shoes.
Last but not least, the small one. When you have an inspiring little tornado of love you’re mostly trying to watch the beauty of the storm without getting swept up in it’s destruction. We really are just setting the boundaries and letting him navigate. If he needs twelve hugs to start his day, God bless it. If he wants to manifest his greatest happiness in life, who am I to stand in his way? We usually use some of this zest as we grow. If you are lucky enough to be working with a grown adult who didn’t, don’t you be the one to make them lose it. Give them the boundaries, connect them to the why, and then get out of the way. You will be amazed with what they come back with.