Have you ever thought about that very first impactful piece of advice at work? Think back to the first thing your parents, teachers, coworkers, or boss told you would help you to get ahead. Lots of times they are little catch phrases they’ve heard over the years that stuck with them. They’ll say things like, dress for success, you get one chance to make a first impression, and fake it till you make it. There is a kernel of truth in each one of these. I’ve seen each be useful and useless in different situations but at the end of the day, none of them are really going to impact your career. So, what was the first one that did for you? Today I want to dive into one of the most common pieces of advice that women get in the workplace. More importantly than that, we talk about the advice that counters it and how it can be infinitely more useful in getting ahead in your career.
Put your head down, to get ahead
Have you ever heard this before? If not, you’ve likely heard a variation. It means don’t get distracted. Focus on nothing but doing the work asked of you. I think it is pretty common for people to say, but it seems as though it takes on different forms for men and women. For men, it is often shared as part of a season or achievement. People will say things like, if you want to hit this goal put your head down for 6 months. If you want that promotion, put your head down on this project. The implication being that there will be an end point and a specific reward associated with the focus.
For women, it looks a little different. The advice is a general state. Early on in many women’s careers we’re told, put your head down and do the work. Full stop. There might be a vague carrot attached. You want to get ahead in your career? Put your head down and do the work. There is rarely a timeline, or a specific result associated with it.
It was probably meant to be helpful.
Now, at the heart of it, I think people meant well with this advice. It started a long time ago when men (and women) didn’t really think women were cut out for careers. Any ladies in the work world really did need to put their head down for an undetermined amount of time because no one thought they should be there. Men on the other hand, had families to support and had a real shot at landing that big account so it made sense to say it that way. Problem is, we’ve learned a lot since 1952 and we’re still using the same old adages.
Women just didn’t need it.
Another problem with the advice, women are too good at it. We are too skilled at focusing all of our time and energy into one area for that to be useful advice. Look what happens to so many women in relationships, we devote ourselves to our partner and years later aren’t even sure what our hobbies and passions are. Then in motherhood, we can spend 25 years of our lives raising and launching a kid into the world and be perfectly content that we don’t know who we are without them. Some of us even wear it as a badge of honor.
There is no shame in that.
I’m certainly not judging any women. I applaud those who fiercely put their head down in their relationships, or parenting, or health or any other aspect of life. I’m simply saying we didn’t need the put your head down advice because we’ve been getting it, and giving it to ourselves, since childhood. It is like advising a kid that playing is important, true or not it’s the only way they knew to be.
Also, put your head down to get ahead, is vague but give it some context. It’s the only time we’re putting our head down for any personal gain, vague as it is, and it feels selfish. Be honest, when you read it or heard it, did you recoil a little? Did you feel like you needed to qualify it even in your own mind? Sure, I want to get ahead, to give my kids a better life. or Get ahead? I just want to help other’s in the organization.
Is there a better option to get ahead?
We’ve established that put your head down to get ahead is outdated, a little too obvious, and sort of vague while still somehow feeling self serving. I think we can call that bad advice in the 21st century. What if we changed it. We could draw on the strengths of women while challenging them to take it farther. The goal could be specific and relevant to the here and now while remaining flexible enough to grow with them. Are you with me? What if we start advising women to
Keep your head up to help accomplish x as a team.
Let that roll around in your head for just a minute. Let’s take it from back to front and break it down. First, it draws on our strength to build value for others. Women are naturally caring for others and building others up so adding the ‘team’ aspect tends to make it a little more palatable for us and feels less selfish. One step back and we’re aiming for something specific (that is where you fill in that x). Keeping your head up means, looking for opportunities that help accomplish it, sharing the work of the team with others, and allowing yourself to see the forward progress to share with, and encourage the team.
Now, I also want to call out that there are some women reading this thinking, I have no problem achieving for myself and touting my accomplishments. Why does it have to be for a team? To you I say, it doesn’t. This advice isn’t for you. No one here is trying to hold you down or take credit for your work. This advice is for the women who are getting overlooked by keeping their heads down. It is for the women who aren’t sure if building the career they love is for them because they can’t see the strategy. For anyone who feels like they work hard, and do what is expected albeit imperfectly, and aren’t getting ahead, this advice is for you. I have something else for you too. Check out this totally free resource that will help you to take the next step in your career. You can take the next step even if you’re nervous or don’t know where to start.