There are few things in life that I detest more than the word ‘busy’. Whether someone is talking about busy work, keeping busy, or how busy they are, I can feel my face contorting in frustration every time. There are people who run around telling everyone just how busy they are. Or people who go around telling others how busy they must be. We are all just so busy; it just irks me. The word busy itself is probably not the problem. The problem, for me, is twofold. We have been using busy as both the standard and the scapegoat for decades and it’s only gotten worse.
The so busy standard
Have you ever talked to someone you haven’t seen in a while and in trying to catch up the first thing out of their mouth is, I’ve just been so busy! It is almost a guarantee that something of that nature will come from them (and probably you too). We subconsciously think we’re supposed to be busy all of the time. Because if you’re not busy, you’re lazy or boring or just uninteresting. So, we have to point out how busy we are, even before we share a word of what we’ve been up to, to basically stake our claim that we are not lazy, boring, or uninteresting.
It goes beyond just saying it too. More than that, we try to live it. If we don’t have something scheduled during every moment of the day we feel like we’re falling behind. If we aren’t the one invited to the board room, making the cupcakes, mowing the lawn, getting the kids to practice, and setting up an elaborate way to make the most of the 2 hours they’re there, we feel like we’ve lost the game.
Now, I’m not immune to this either. I am a sucker for feeling like I’m getting ahead. So yes, I make my trips to town more efficient with a kid baseball drop off and grocery shopping. I get all the laundry going so I can ‘earn’ my TV time while folding the clothes. I’ve come a long way though from the prior post on this topic, I’m Busy and Important Dang It (check it out). It is hard though to avoid the pressure to stay busy at all times.
Using your busy as a scapegoat
So many of us pinball back and forth between talking about how busy we are and adding more to our already overflowing plates that it is natural for us to take the next step and use busy as a scape goat. We can’t take on a project at work because we’re already so busy. There is no time to go to the local event because we’re all so busy. We can’t make time to hang out with our friends, or kids, or spouse because, you guessed it, too busy. We tell all of the people we love most we’re too busy. Then we miss all of the great opportunities because we’re too busy to see them.
Here too, I’m right there with you. I hardly ever use the word busy but I do turn things down left and right because it’s too overwhelming to think of adding anything else. I’ve missed out on great opportunities to connect with my kids because my level of commitment has taken me over the edge. I have gotten much better about a few key pieces though.
But what do we do?
At this point, you might be raising an eyebrow at me. Which one is it, Kel? Add more to the plate or be less busy? Well friend, it’s both. It’s both!
Stop talking about being so busy.
You become what you speak over yourself and that is more than just the words. It is the tone and body language too. If someone asks you how you’re doing and you slump your shoulders, roll your eyes, and moan that you’re just soo busy! You’re creating stress in that moment. You are causing yourself pain and frustration and literally it is all on you.
I’m not suggesting that you add some fake I’m FANTASTIC if you’re really miserable but if you have something to be grateful for, maybe start with that. Or, if you’re feeling like you have nothing positive to share, just get specific I have a lot on my plate right now and I’m working on figuring out how to get it all done. It essentially means the same thing but is empowering and sets you off to take action instead of invite others to your pity party.
Prioritize what you have on your plate.
The next step in the process after being empowered to take action is to, take action. You have the ability to set your own priorities in more areas of life that you’re probably giving yourself credit for. Where you truly don’t have full control and you want, or need, to involve others, make a plan and ask for thoughts.
It is a good, positive, helpful thing to say to someone (your kids, spouse, and boss all included) To do anything well I need to be able to focus. These are the top things that I’d like to focus on and I’d like to make sure we agree. Then simply list out your 3-5 things that you’ll put your focus into for the next 6 weeks, or every night after work, or whatever your timeline is. Identify your priorities, share them, and stick to it.
Own one extra moment.
This one is my favorite. It doesn’t take as much time and effort as you’d think to decompress from being so busy. Sometimes you just need a 30-minute walk. If you don’t have time for that try a 15-minute mini yoga or stretching session. No time for that because you’re just too busy to take 15-minutes for yourself? Take 1-minute in your drive, while you’re getting breakfast ready, or while you’re in the shower to just breathe, pray, think of things you’re grateful for, anything. Take just one extra moment to recenter yourself and slow down your brain. You’d be amazed at how changing nothing else but taking a minute to slow your thoughts can impact how you feel about just how much you have going on.
Remember, everything is optional.
This is one that will likely have mixed reviews. I have talked with a few people who this feels more stressful for so, take it or leave it. Just like with any advice from literally anyone, try it on, see if it fits you, and let it go if it doesn’t.
We have a choice in literally everything. There is nothing you have to do. Nothing. If you’re brain is pushing back that you have to work, you have to clean your house, you have to take care of your kids. No, you don’t. There are plenty of people who don’t, in fact. You are choosing all of those things. Much more importantly than that, you’re choosing how you do them. Let’s take one small example, dinner.
You don’t have to feed your family dinner. Even a toddler could grab a box of cereal and survive till morning. Say you decide that you want to make dinner. You don’t have to make homemade vegan lasagna with a salad. You could microwave some chicken nuggets, put out a bottle of ketchup and called it a day. We all have standards that we’ve set for ourselves that make us busier. I’m in no way suggesting that we suddenly gravitate to the bottom of our standards. I am saying that owning that it is a choice and you can also choose to do it a different way gives you options and gives you credit you so rightly deserve for all that you do.