Don’t Go It Alone: How to Build Your Personal Network

When was the last time you felt alone? Not the good kind of alone like when your little one didn’t realize you went to the bathroom and you actually didn’t have little hands knocking at, or just opening, the door. I mean the kind of alone where you feel like you’re the only one that life is hard for. The alone that comes when you’re angry, or exasperated, or overwhelmed and for a split second you think, why don’t I know how to do this? The kind of alone that is exasperated because you know there are people out there who have it so much worse than you. You should be just fine with all of your blessings and good fortune you can think of, so you try to bury that feeling making you more isolated than ever. With a personal network, you can get the kind of support you need.

Maybe you’re frustrated because you lost your temper. Now you don’t know the right balance between apologizing for losing your cool, and allowing your kids to understand there are consequences for their actions. Maybe you get a glimmer of the relationship you and your husband or friends had before life got so full and you wonder if you’ll ever get it back. You miss when you were fun and exciting but between work, carpool, and dinner there just hasn’t been space for the old you. Maybe you have a dream swirling in the back of your mind. It’s big and exciting, but you don’t know if you’ll ever get there. With all the things on your plate your head can’t fully formulate a thought, let alone a plan to get there. Well, you are not alone friend.

You are not alone

All of us have felt like we’re the only ones dealing with something at some point. We’ve all gotten to the point where we feel like we’re behind or inept or simply the worst at a given thing. I’m here to tell you friend that that couldn’t be further from the truth. And I’m not saying that to call you out or tell you to tug at those bootstraps. I’m saying it to wrap this big old community of people who have felt that loneliness around you.

Whether you’re frustrated that you can’t stay longer at work because you need to pick up the kids, or the laundry just never seems to get done. Some of us, or maybe all of us, have been there. I know I for one have been in complete tears because I only had two days (you guessed it Saturday and Sunday) to clean the house, get the groceries, prep the meals, put away the clean laundry, and still enjoy my kids, spend a little time with my husband, and do some sort of this illusive self-care I’d been hearing about. Why is it so hard? Because I was trying to do it all. That’s it. That’s the secret, it’s hard because we’re trying to do all of it.

But do I really have a choice?

Yeah, you do. You do have the choice and you can get support. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to excel in your career when you have a professional network? It isn’t that they are always hand in hand with you in the trenches, but they are able to help. Connecting with colleagues and industry professionals can help you gain valuable insights. They help you find new job opportunities and advance your career. You can do the same thing in your home life. Over the years, I’ve found that building out a personal network is just as important as a professional one. It is particularly important when it comes to navigating the challenges of parenting while also excelling in your career.

Your personal network and the support it provides

When I first started writing this post, I did a little research to see what the experts had to say. What I saw made me make the ‘what are you thinking?’ face. The articles included info on how hard it is to be a working mom, like this one from Apt Parenting. Then basically ended in, you can do it just don’t screw it up. Or like Forbes, who talked about joining an employee resource group. For me, these felt out of touch. I’m linking here so you can check them out. If you find them helpful, great. In my opinion, we don’t need another person to tell us what to do or another meeting to go to, we just need help and to feel less alone. So, here is my list, non-curated and based on what’s helped me through the toughest years to date.

Your Partner

A supportive partner is such a privilege to have, I know this. And yet, I think so many of us could have more supportive partners if we were more honest about what we want or need. Then, and here’s the kicker, actually let it go to them. If I can’t manage to do all the things in the evening and I want him to own something, I need to actually say to my husband, I’m not cooking this week. If you want more than cereal for dinner, you’re up. Then, when he brings home pizza on Monday and makes the blue box mac and cheese on Tuesday, I say thank you. No that isn’t how I would have done it, but I asked for it to get done and it did.

Your Kids

This one is similar to the above. Give your kid a responsibility and then, let it go. This feels nearly impossible with the first kid but if you’re lucky enough to have 3, by the time you get to the little you realize that even a toddler can help out to some degree. Your single digit kids can take out the trash, fold and put away their laundry, feed the dog, vacuum the floors, clean the kitchen, dust, scrub bathrooms, and so much more. It will be hard to let go and see that they used too much water with the dishes, or the dog has too much food in his bowl, but in the end, you’re building supportive kids and regaining your sanity in the process.

Kid’s Friend’s Parents

This one is twofold. First, I’ll say ask for help when you need it. Little Suzie needs a ride to practice? Just ask Jenny’s mom. Have a late meeting and need a fun way for the kids to spend the couple hours? Ask their buddies parents if you can drop them off. If you haven’t asked for this kind of help, you’re probably cringing at the idea. You maybe even have other parents who’ve offered to help, and you said, oh don’t worry, I got it. You’re literally eroding your personal network at the seams friend! I’ve been on both sides of this and can tell you, we want to help. When we get the ask, it is a no brainer lend a hand.

The other part to looking to other parents is almost like mentorship. What sort of support are they getting that you could consider? Do they have amazing crock pot recipes for easy dinners on game days? Are they including someone who cleans their house in the monthly budget? What is their system for actually getting the kids in bed at bedtime rather than the exhausting battle happening at your house? How many extracurriculars are they managing and why? Just like you’d look to your network at work to find solutions in your projects or with your career, leverage your personal network to find solutions in your life.

Professionals

I already illuded to this a little and it is again, another privilege, so I’ll really touch on it briefly. If you can find a way to buy some of your time back, do it. Consider what responsibilities are draining your time and your life and research what it would cost to sub them out. For example, if you hate meal planning, subscribe to a meal service. If you can’t stand the thought of mowing the lawn or tending to flower beds, find a lawn care service. Hate shopping? Do a grocery pickup. Never want to scrub another toilet? There are people willing to take on that work. I know most of us can’t afford everything but think of the peace of mind you’d get from having it taken care of once in a while.

I can say from personal experience it is amazing. Pre-covid, when my kids were really small, we had someone come clean the house every 5 or 6 weeks. There was a cost and obviously I still had to clean in between. However, knowing it would get done well and all at the same time once every month or two took so much pressure off of me. The cost was manageable for us because we were incurring it less than once a month. Get creative and do the research to find out what might work for you.

Online Experts

Hear me out on this one. I do not mean that you should subscribe to every working mom blogger and Youtuber out there (though if you wanted to subscribe to this blogger, you could just click here 😉 ). I am saying that if you can’t actually hire someone to do the work, you can at least sub out the thought. There are online experts in literally everything. Find one that is talking about what you need and follow the advice. Will it perfectly fit you? Maybe not but it will take out the guess work and allow you to take simple action. You can find meal ideas, time management aps, parenting tips, organization schedules, and any other thing you could really ever think of. If you can’t take the work off your plate, at least take the stress of the guess work out.

Building out a personal network is so critical for working parents. It can provide a support system, help you navigate the challenges of parenting as well as support you in excelling in your career. We all know as working parents the balance of work and life a fluid one. Freeing yourself up logistically, mentally, and emotionally to focus on the parts of life you want to. (If you’re not sure where to start, I got you, click here.) So go ahead, start building out your personal network today!