4 Ways to Move From Feeling Overwhelmed to Seeing Opportunity

Have you ever caught yourself saying something like, I can’t do anything right. You’re feeling overwhelmed at work with asks coming at you from all directions and critiques seeming to follow each one. Then you’re home and no one likes dinner. You break a glass washing the dishes, realize you didn’t sign the permission slip in time, and snap at your spouse when make a suggestion. I have totally been there, friend. It’s not uncommon to feel like you can’t catch a break. Between the demands of your job and the responsibilities at home, you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed and doubting your abilities. How will you juggle it all? It’s easy to slip into the mindset of ‘I can do nothing right,’ especially when faced with suggestions from all sides, whether at work or in your personal life.

Feeling Overwhelmed On Both Sides

A few years ago a member of my team was making silly mistakes. She was a tenured employee and was coming in late, missing work in the queue, and the items she was completing often needed corrections. This wasn’t like her. She was typically a very dependable employee that I looked to as a mentor for other’s on the team. At the time I was leading 20 people myself so I needed those team leaders to be just that. Eventually, I pulled her aside and called out the mistakes I was seeing. She instantly got defensive. She told me she’d been with the company longer than I had and how dare I question her abilities. Again, this just wasn’t typical. I suggested she take the day off, and said we’d talk about it the next day. Unfortunately, that seemed to make it worse. She didn’t leave and the rest of the day was pretty painful for everyone there.

The following day, she came in and we discussed more of the detail. This member of the team had been working full time, while going to school full time, and was having trouble making ends meet both in terms of time and money. She felt like no matter what she touched, it broke. Then yesterday a friend had asked her to spend some time with them and she realized the failure expanded even beyond work and school.

I’m not immune either

One quote I used to say to my husband from time to time was, I feel like I’m failing at everything. One time in particular I remember pouring my heart into a project at work that needed to be done, and done quickly. There was a new state regulation that came into effect requiring us to monitor and develop a process for every single piece of work that came through a queue. It took days of dedication, analysis, team coordination, and intentional communication to get the expectations and process rolled out. In the end, it was dang near perfect. The team and I were handing out high fives and congratulations all around. Then, we were told that we missed one point in the communication. There was one group who needed to be aware of the process. We had included them in email notifications but hadn’t specifically set up time to discuss it with them. This was seen as a huge miss by upper management. Because of missing that meeting and relying on an email string I sat in additional meetings to remind me of proper communication strategies.

The overwhelm bled over to home too

Following that experience I went home. I got there later than normal which prompted discussion with my husband around how long is too long at daycare for the kids. Dinner was then later than expected and there weren’t enough clean plates to just serve dinner, so we had to wash dishes before we actually ate. The kids were hungry and crabby because it got late and struggled to eat and wind down before bed. The house was a mess. Our dishes were still on the stove. I knew I had more communication discussion awaiting me at work. I was feeling overwhelmed beyond belief, and I eventually just sat down and cried. That famous quote of mine came out that night for sure, I feel like I’m failing at everything.

How to move past feeling overwhelmed to seeing the opportunity

Could you see yourself in either of those stories? Maybe you felt it in both. Both my employee and I got to the point of desperation. We felt like failures in everything because of the frustrations we were feeling. The problems were staring us in the face too close to see the opportunities at the time. I’m not sure if you saw it but there were clues in both of those stories on how to move past this pain and frustration. You can find the opportunity in the pain if you look in the right spot.

Separate Your Worth from Your Actions

One common misconception is that when someone is critical of something you’ve done, it is a reflection of your worth as a person. It’s not. The feedback my employee and I each got (on my communication and her mistakes on the queue) were about our actions or performance in a specific context. This feedback was not about our inherent value. When you hear yourself falling victim to the overwhelm, remind yourself that you are a capable and valuable individual, regardless of the critique you may have received.

Seek Specificity

One way to help you separate worth from the outcome of your actions is through specific feedback. When you receive feedback, whether it’s from a supervisor, colleague, or family member, ask for specific examples and details. This will help you gain a clearer understanding of the areas that need improvement and prevent you from making sweeping judgments about your abilities. I understand that when emotions are high or your defense is already up finding the words can be difficult. This is something we work through in The Feedback Bootcamp. If you’d like to learn more on how to harness the power of those specific details, even when you’re overwhelmed, sign up. I’ll even send you a quick reference guide to help now.

Celebrate Your Wins

Remember to celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem. In my story, it was easy to forget the major success we had in the project after one small snag interrupted our party. For my employee, yes there was a struggle happening, but she showed up. She showed up to work and refused to quit. When we’re reading other people’s stories, we can see the work they put in, but do you see it in you? Recognize your own achievements and give yourself credit for your hard work. This positive reinforcement can help counteract the ‘I’m failing at everything’ mindset.

Reflect Regularly

Take time to reflect on your progress with objectivity and grace. Regularly review the feedback you’ve received and what you’re giving yourself. Assess, even if just anecdotally, the changes you’ve implemented and how the change impacted you and the results you’re after. I didn’t get to that part of either story above but I can tell you it was critical in my moving beyond the frustration of the feedback and advancing in my skills. Acknowledge your growth and remind yourself that you are continually evolving and improving.

How do I use this experience as an opportunity?

Keep in mind, feedback is not a judgment on your worth or abilities. It’s a valuable tool for personal and professional growth. By adopting a growth mindset, seeking specific feedback, and focusing on solutions, you can turn feedback into a positive force that propels you toward success. The opportunity comes in designing the success it’s propelling you toward.

Next month a group of us will be working through these frustrations and others in the Feedback Bootcamp. We’ll use them to create a road map from where we are today to the career and life we hope to build. We’ll identify what success looks like for us uniquely and how we can change our mindset and actions to align us with the development that is constantly available through feedback. A strategic plan to seek out and apply the right feedback will propel you toward the opportunities you are seeking. The doors aren’t open quite yet but you can sign up for more information and the free guide to responding in high stress situations here.

Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. Embrace feedback, learn from it, and watch as you transform ‘I’m failing at everything’ into ‘I can improve and achieve greatness.’ You’ve got this!