I’ve gotten to the point that I was working so hard on a goal, even causing myself physical pain to get it, all to find out that it led to nothing. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I’m not the only one either. How do you know the difference though? How do you know when the goal is worth fighting for. Is your original plan is worth seeing through, or should you just let it go by the wayside? This week I want to share with you a goal I held for a long time, why I let it go, and how I knew it was time.
What I thought I was fighting for
As you may already know, my aspiration for a very, very long time, has been to lead leaders. When I was young, that just looked like influencing others. As I grew, and my span of influence grew, I was influenced by others on what leadership meant. So, oddly enough, as I grew, my view of leadership actually narrowed. In my teens it just meant having influence on people who could also influence, in my 20s, it started to morph into this very narrow definition of specifically managing other managers. I won’t lie, I was pretty excited about the prospect of managing people who had teams of their own.
While my view of leading leaders was shrinking, I was growing in my abilities to lead and influence others. Soon, I was promoted to a position that seemed to check the boxes just perfectly. I was leading a team with supervisors that reported to me. The best part was, my boss had laid out for me exactly what my career trajectory should look like to keep on leading leaders. Starry-eyed and hopeful, I followed that manager, and the career path he had me on. I would go from supervisor, to manager, to director, to vice-president (passing Go and collecting $200 as I went). It all sounded great. I saw each and every challenge and roadblock as one more thing to overcome. It was exciting to work toward something. Working to take on the next rung in the corporate ladder felt like the honorable and logical thing to do.
How it all changed
Eventually, it felt like I stopped making progress upward. I could feel things stalling out in the way I was attacking all those obstacles that used to be so exciting to fight head on. I started to reevaluate the progress I was making. There were exciting things happening, even if they weren’t leading to my promotion to the next position. I was promoting diversity in our organization, helping to create a more diverse workforce. With a team of amazing people, I was leading process change and communication changes. I had mentored and coached more individuals that were then promoted to leadership or influential positions than I could even count. There was progress alright, it just wasn’t to the goal (the job title) I’d originally set. In fact, every time I tried to talk about progress toward that promotion I thought I so desperately needed, I could feel myself start to shiver and my stomach would just ache. The reality was, that goal just didn’t fit anymore.
But do you just give up?
The answer is, sometimes. For me, the goal I was working toward, that promotion, wasn’t a bad goal. It did actually serve the larger purpose that I had. There is honor is knowing your strengths and using those strengths to teach and influence others in the best way to do something. Honestly, it was probably that promotion that helped me to say ‘yes’ to the other great projects I was working on, even if they didn’t get me promoted. Finally, I did have the capability to work at that level. Based on all of this, I would say, I could have kept fighting for that goal I wanted. Except for one thing, it just wasn’t a priority anymore.
There are lots of reasons, and ways, to set goals. Mine was essentially set by another person who had my best interest in mind based on a very vague vision I had. It’s funny, so many things can be going right but if you don’t have the clarity in the beginning on why you want what you do, you just won’t make it. Now, I’ve learned a better way to set and achieve goals. It starts with aligning your ambitions with your why. I’m happy to show you how, click here to sign up for all the details.
When to stop fighting for that goal
Learning how to set goals that you’ll be motivated to achieve, that actually align with your overall vision for your life, is critical. Do sign up for the Aligned Ambitions workshop. In the mean time though, I’d be willing to bet you have goals you’re working toward (or at least are considering) as we speak. So how do you know if you keep fighting for them? Or, like me, let them go by the wayside? Here are my top ways to determine if the goal is worth fighting for:
Lack of Progress
If you reflect back objectively and see that you’re no closer to the goal, it’s time to let it go. I’ll add, because I can see some of you quick to point out that you have made some progress make sure it’s meaningful progress. As in, if your goal was to earn more money and you’ve worked your butt off for 6 months to make an extra $50, that is still a lack of progress my friend, and it is time to reassess.
Unhappiness
Imagine, you’ve being going down the same path for a significant amount of time, you’re getting closer and closer to the goal, and getting more and more burnt out in the process. Stop fighting for that goal. Pushing yourself toward something that is making you miserable before you even get there just cannot be in alignment with what you ultimately want. Now, let’s be clear, pushing yourself to the next level with your career, health, personal life, anything, won’t be easy. I’m not talking about giving up because things get tough. I’m saying if you hit pause and find that what you’re doing to get where you want is making you unhappy, it’s time to reassess if this is the right goal for you.
Poor Feedback
Please, please, don’t work toward a goal in a complete vacuum. You need your close friends or family, mentors, and trusted colleagues (otherwise known as work best friends) to support and give you relevant feedback. Pay attention to what they are saying and why they’re saying it. You need to know if the goal is unrealistic or if you appear unhappy (or are making everyone else unhappy) in the pursuit. An external viewpoint can provide valuable insights that you may not have considered.
#1 reason to stop fighting for a goal
If in your reflection after reading this you realize that the goal just doesn’t align with your values, priorities, or circumstances, stop fighting for it. Honestly, the worst thing that could happen to you is that you hit it. You could work so hard that you make a goal a reality that pulls you even further away from the person you want to be and the life you want to live. Before you keep fighting for a goal that will lead you down the wrong path, please check out the Aligned Ambitions workshop. It is worth it to reverse engineer your goals and create the life you love.