3 Communication Mistakes You Didn’t Know You Were Making

I’ve never met a single person who was trying to communicate poorly and yet we make communication mistakes all the time. We communicate every single day so, with good intentions, and practice we should be good at it, right? Wrong. Studies of American’s show that each generation feels they are less effective communicators than the previous. While coronavirus and technology play a part in why our communication has changed in recent years, you can’t entirely blame social media and Covid19. I’m not going to get into the root cause of each of these mistakes because honestly it is a debate that will have no end. Instead, I’ll take a note from communication mistake number one and focus on the facts.

For this blog article I’m focusing on corporate communication mistakes and what you can do to work through them and develop better communication skills. That doesn’t mean this doesn’t apply everywhere though. As you’re reading, challenge yourself to expand this application to your relationship with your partner, your conversations with kids, and even your encounters with strangers. When you’re ready to take your communication to the next level, click here to get my foolproof communication framework on YouTube.

Communication Mistakes: 1. Explaining why you’re right

Imagine, you have an idea. It’s new and different from the typical way of handling things but it is GOOD and it will have a major impact on the team. You know everyone would be on board if they just understood where you were coming from. Afterall, Simon Sinek always told you to ‘Start with Why’ right? When the opportunity is right, you launch into your idea and why its the best thing that’s ever been considered. Then, when people start to ask questions, you double down. You have solutions right? You can make this work. Your idea is just that good.

What to do instead

Starting with why, bringing solutions, and having confidence are all great ways to start your communication. From those good intentions and likely even a strong start though, you can quickly fall into explaining why you’re right. Where I’ve seen this happen most often is in brainstorming sessions. Verbal processors (ehem, like me…) tend to speak first. Then they (we) share all the ways our plan could work. It’s likely all true and our plan is probably fine. The problem is we aren’t actually listening to the challenges people are bringing up if we’re jumping to solution. Word vomiting in order to convince is the communication mistake.

The next time you share a great idea and get questions. Resist the urge to explain why you’re right; challenge yourself to take a beat, just for a moment. Hold back on all that great wisdom that you know you could impart. Instead, say something like, I have some ideas around how that will work but first, tell me more about what you’re ____ (thinking/asking/concerned about). This invites them into the thought process. Sometimes the other person will say, no, that’s it. If you have a solution please share. Then jump in with your thoughts and explanation. Other times, you’ll be surprised at the depth of the concern or the nature of the push-back. The best outcome here is that they take your invitation to be part of the idea and you take note of all the great ideas around you (even when they didn’t come from your own head).

Communication Mistakes: 2. Not knowing your audience

Do you talk to the grocery cashier the same way you talk to your friends? Do you talk to your kids the same as you speak to your in-laws? Would you tell the exact same version of what you did over the weekend to your boss as you do your work bestie? No, well then you got this audience part down, right? Next. Well, probably not friend. When it comes to our day-to-day conversations we naturally edit and elaborate based on the audience, their level of interest, and style. We know that our BFF wants all the saucy details while the cashier is simply making pleasant conversation while he scans. When it comes to work though we start to assume that everyone from the team to our boss, to the executive sponsor, to the IT service desk wants the same information in the same way.

What to do instead

Just like there are different audiences in our personal lives, there are for work topics as well. People typically want to know just enough to know how what you’re saying affects them and decide if they agree it. Your communication on every topic, in every medium, and to every group, will be best received if you center it around that. It will be different for everyone.

Let’s look at a simple example where you want to start using a new process and you need to share that with the team, your boss, an exec, and IT. The team wants to know why we’re making the change and what they’ll have to do differently. This can be shared in huddle high-level and followed up with a detailed email and processes. Your boss wants to know enough details to answer questions from other leaders. This is likely a meeting and access to a planning document. The executive wants to know how much it will cost, how long it will take, and what efficiencies will be. You can accomplish this with a one-page summary and maybe a follow up meeting for questions. IT wants to know what they’ll need to support and how it works with other resources they have. If it is simple this can be an email. When more complex it can be several meetings with IT and the vendor to work out all the details in words I never understand.

Always consider who the audience is and what they actually want to know. Sharing the one page of cost and time with IT will be useless. Giving the detailed email with process documents to the executives will cause more questions and frustration than you ever intended.

Communication Mistakes: 3. Ignoring nonverbal cues

We’ve all met those people who just keep talking even though they’ve clearly lost everyone right? They are now talking at people who are disinterested, trying to cut in, confused, frustrated, or even angry. But they just keep talking. Well, that audience should be more respectful. They should listen intently while someone is speaking. Maybe they should but should-ing on them would change the situation. They have checked out but there is a way to bring them back in.

What to do instead

Sometimes people are tone blind to nonverbals. More often though, this is another version of explaining why you’re right. The speaker sees that Suzie thinks his plan is trash and has completely checked out by her expression and the fact that she ever so slightly turned her body away from him and toward the window. However, he thinks if he just keeps talking, he can bring her back. Not likely sir. This has gotten even worse in the new Zoom era. With everyone talking with their cameras off its difficult to read the room. This makes strategically placing opportunities for buy in, asking questions, and pausing for comments all the more important.

Turn communication mistakes around in a hurry

One of the best things about mistakes you make in your communication is how quickly you can make a change. You’re communicating every single day, probably 100s of times. You get just that many opportunities to address any of these common communication mistakes. Yet today you will have the opportunity to tailor your messaging to your audience, consider the nonverbals you’re seeing, and maybe even become more self-aware around your over explaining. I would love for you to leave a comment, what mistake are you working on today?