If you walked into a room with managers, leaders, and even CEOs and asked, how can we build trust as an organization? You’d likely get a lot of team building ideas. There would be retreats, trust exercises with consultants, maybe a survey followed by a very long and loving email from top leaders in the company. That is all lovely, but in my experience, it does very little to build trust. In some circumstances it might actually erode any trust or engagement the organization had because the very people they are trying to build trust with start questioning motives. That is why you can’t create a trusting relationship fast, you need to give time and effort. Today, in this blog article, I’m sharing how I’ve built trust with my teams over the years. Illustrating my point is a particularly tough moment where I built trust (with no games or gimmicks) with one of my biggest critics.
Building trust isn’t all games and story telling
Take for example one of my boys. He is tough and rough and all boy by many people’s definition. That little man will stack wood, move dirt, take a jump on his 4-wheeler, and shoot pests to protect his chickens and sap bags (for maple syrup) all in one afternoon. He is also very sensitive and is often led by his feelings. I’ve seen him spend hours making fishing baits and hooks to bring to kids at school. He knits and bakes to make other’s feel better and to calm his own frustrations. I build trust with him by talking about his hobbies and doing them with him. More importantly, I build trust by holding him to our family values and expectations.
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An opportunity to build trust
Recently he was having a great day, that just got to be too overwhelming. There was too much going on and while none of it was bad per say, it was a lot. I could tell he was starting to spiral. When I tried to talk to him things got very disrespectful. (I’ll spare you the details for his sake and for the length of this article.) It would have been easier to yell at him and ground him, but he wouldn’t have learned anything. Besides, in our house consequences match the need. The need in this situation was respect so the consequence was to have more opportunities to practice respect. He was upset and in no place to talk about his feelings or why his behavior got so out of hand. To give him an opportunity to practice respect and think about the situation, he vacuumed my truck instead of going to his room. Still upset and continuing his attitude, he got the chance to clean and organize.
By the time he was done he had calmed down enough that we could talk. We talked about respect, consequences, grace, and repentance. Although, he wasn’t exactly sorry for what he did, he could understand how each word applied to the situation. He understood what he did was wrong and explained that he needed some sleep. After going to bed early, the next morning he apologized with tears in his eyes. He knew he was wrong and was embarrassed for how he acted. I thanked him and reminded him we all make mistakes but that I was glad he trusted me enough to apologize.
Difficult situations build trust better than easy ones
Some would read that story and say that I didn’t give any grace. I would have built more trust by letting the situation unfold naturally and talk about what we can do differently next time. Afterall, I did know he was tired. Don’t fall for this bad advice. You will build more trust much more quickly by setting boundaries, adhering to them, and processing through it after. It not only showed him that I care (which is what that first group of people is prioritizing) but also shows that I will be true to my words. Being true to your word is the most important part of building trust. It is easy to do when times are easy. People notice if you are true to your word only when its easy, or if you’ll do it when it’s tough too.
Even kids understand they can trust in consistency. I’ll be consistent in rewarding him for his great qualities and behaviors, and in holding him accountable for his mistakes. I care too much about him to allow him to develop those bad habits. We have clearly communicated values as a family that we point back to in these difficult situations. However, he does need individuality even in the face of those consistent values. He is a kid that gets more clarity after accomplishing something. So, individually, I know that he needs to do before we talk. That might not be true for his brothers but works best for him. When we do talk, we can process through the cause, and the results. I can help him focus on the important takeaways and balance the problem, the lesson, and the growth. We build trust by going all the way through the hard stuff, together.
Why is it important to build trust and credibility in an organization?
OK, let’s land the plane. Why am I telling you about building trust with kids and how does this apply to your team and organization? When you boil it down, the details may differ but the concept and strategies for building trust are the same regardless of age and relationship. Looking for a clear corporate example? Click here to head to YouTube for a great client story.
What I’ve learned about building trust with teams, leaders, kids, friends, (you name it) is that it comes down to consistency on the big priorities, individuality in the processing, and balance in consequences and grace for results. Creating a trusting bond with your co-workers and employees creates more passion for the work to be done. There is a trust that when you pass that ball, hand off that project, or start floundering on some work, someone will grab it and focus you back toward success. You are all working in the same direction, same goals, with individual strengths, and a willingness to help each other.
Let’s break these down with how they apply to the work world.
Strategies leaders use to build trust
- Consistency in vision and priorities: We use family values but in your organization it might look like pillars, core concepts, or something a little more basic. Even if it is just profitability, service, and engagement know what they are and communicate, more importantly, practice them consistently. Point everything you do in your daily work back to the vision and priorities of your organization.
- Ability to process and communicate individually: Everyone involved needs to be on the same page with the vision and priorities but how they impact each position and how each person works through them requires individuality. Without that personalization people feel like cogs in the machine and the trust you’re trying to build feels fake. Give them the autonomy to apply the vision and priorities themselves, but be there to walk that road with them and guide them when it gets tough.
- Balanced focus on inputs and results: This is where so many people get it wrong. Good intentions can still yield a bad result. The reverse is also true. Like with my little guy, his intention to be disrespectful and push the boundaries yielded a good result in the end because he learned a valuable lesson (and I got a clean truck and mud room in the process). You’ll build trust by considering both the intent and efforts, as well as the end result. Remembering to sprinkle in some grace doesn’t hurt either.
The proof is in the pudding
There is no quick fix for developing trust. None. You have to put in the work every day. Posting your values won’t build trust. A cookie cutter boiler plate email won’t build trust. Giving grace by letting something slide won’t build trust. Throwing the book at someone for a mistake won’t build trust either. Drawing the lines every day from what you’re doing to why, working with people to improve and sharing grace in communication based on their individual circumstances will. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. In time you’ll have a team that would follow you into a burning building if it served the mission. Or, better yet, a team that trusts you enough to show you a better way to achieve that same goal.