Gain Respect and Authority as a New Leader

I couldn’t believe how much she disregarded her sister’s perspective. The two of them were in business together and I just assumed that if you chose a business partner that you’d known since birth you’d have more respect for each other by now. It was hard to watch. Every idea that Erica brought to Brittney was shot down in short order. Erica had come to me because she was starting to think she never gain respect from her sister. There were 3 things holding her back. (They’re listed below but feel free to head to YouTube here to learn more if you’re against reading.)

You don’t have to be siblings to go through this. Whether you’re running a business together, are peers in a department, or frenemies that seem to be in competition, you likely have known the feeling that Erica had.

When the old dog might need new tricks

Brittney had been running a local coffee shop for a few years. She was doing great by all outside measures. Her sales were up and profit was increasing even as she took on more responsibilities with a second location and employees. The only thing that seemed to be working against her was that her employees were frustrated. They loved the mission and the vision of the coffee shop but didn’t feel appreciated for all of the hours and dedication they’d given. After working too many hours a week and recognizing she needed support Brittney called in the one person who was the yin to her yang, her sister. Erica was supposed to run operations and HR while Brittney handled financials and expansion.

Erica was a people leader with another small business and had a strong management track record. The two women complimented each other and would have done well as partners. Brittney just wouldn’t accept any of Erica’s recommendations. Every time Erica came with an idea, Brittney explained why it wouldn’t work and moved on. It was getting to the point that she would start looking for another opportunity for the sake of their relationship.

If it’s that hard to gain respect from family, imagine what it’s like without the love

Erica was trying to lead as a new manager in that organization. It doesn’t matter that she was successful in other places, or even that the other leader, her sister, knew they needed help. (Remember Brittney brought Erica in because she saw she needed help with her people.) On paper this would seem like the easiest situation for the new leader to successfully gain respect of her peers. And yet, she ran into all the same limiting thought problems every new leader runs into.

• This is how we’ve always done it.
• I’ve been at this a long time, I’ve seen it all tried before.
• ‘Those’ people will never change.

So what could Erica have done differently? Was there a way for her to gain the respect of her sister, peer, and business partner to make a greater impact on the business and the lives of the employees? Yes.

The 3 things any new leader can do to gain respect

Ask yourself, what do I bring to the table? Gaining respect starts with respecting yourself and your capabilities. Remind yourself why you were promoted or brought on for this role. Consider the projects, teams, and initiatives you’ve led in the past and the benefit you brought. If this feels too overwhelming, I get it we all get down sometimes, pretend its your work bestie giving you a recommendation on the role. Think of what is needed for this situation and if your bestie had to do the interview for you on your behalf. I bet you can think of all sorts of great things they’d say.

Know why you’re suggesting what you are recommending. There will always be push back on new ideas because they are untested, new, and scary. Consider all of the pros and cons, risks and benefits, constraints and benefits of the recommendations you want them to take seriously. Thinking through it fully will better position you to focus fully on the why and how the rewards outweigh the risks.

Flip your communication and position yourself as the expert. You’ve got to stop asking permission. If you’re a peer in the situation, or any valued member of the team (even if junior to the rest) start acting like it. Communicate from a place of humble authority. Let your peer, or the whole team, know you understand the impact of your recommendations. You know why it is the right choice and how to get there. Be confident friend, armed with the why and supported with a plan, you are the expert and can speak as one.

Decide now you’re an unstoppable leader

You get to make the choice right now that you are unstoppable. Do you believe me? Unstoppable leaders aren’t the Brittney’s of the world who look successful from the outside. They aren’t the leaders who have 10 years under their belts in the same role. An unstoppable leader is one who knows what they have to offer, what obstacles are standing in their way, and their plan to get there. Erica used this workbook to make a plan for the change she wanted to see. When she shared her plan my heart swelled. Was it a big change? Absolutely! But with her plan and a group to support her, she really will be unstoppable.