I am so interested in growth mindset. If you’re not familiar with growth mindset, in very simple terms, it is the idea that you have the capacity for growth in anything. Meaning, the old excuse of I’m just not made for ______ (be it running, public speaking, swimming, singing, anything) is just not true. You can understand where you’re at, terrible as it may be, and get better from there. You can always improve. Some things come more easily to certain people, but there is nothing you can’t achieve. It comes down to choices rather than possibility. I love this because it is so empowering. Even in the areas that you’re currently struggling you can improve to any level that you truly put your effort into. Now, the idea of growth mindset even applies to the mindset itself. Believing in your ability to improve comes easier for some than others but you can learn to prioritize and increase your belief in yourself.
As with so many things, I see this first and foremost in my kids.
We are in the first few weeks of baseball season in our little corner of the world. All of our boys love baseball and play, talk, or watch baseball daily. It is a passion almost to the level of farming for the men of this house. The thing is though, they are still young. They have a lot to learn. They are, not really that good. I mean, for 3, 6, and 8 they can hold their own but let’s be honest, they are still coming into their bodies and learning all of the basics. Each of them is improving every day and learning so much. It got me wondering, how do they keep at something so enthusiastically when they aren’t good at it? Kids seem to understand that you have to be terrible at the beginning to be able to improve.
When I watch these kids, not even just mine, most of the kids on the field. They are attentive, they are experimenting with new skills and techniques. Each of them is at a different level but to some degree all have the same challenges. Sometimes they throw the ball 6 feet over the other kid’s head. They will swing and miss the pitch 17 times before having a good connection. A grounder will roll right up to them, and then right past them. They often don’t even notice that they are making mistakes because they are too focused on following the steps to improve.
My baseball experience was different. Looking back, I’ll say that I approached little league much like adults approach a new hobby or skill. I showed up in the appropriate attire to look the part and blend in. I was very excited and eager to learn; then asked questions and followed directions. Then I realized that I struggled to hit off of the pitching machine. The dandelions in the outfield were very distracting and the ball came too fast in the infield. I remember crying in the dugout because I was so frustrated at my lack of skills (I was probably 8).
The coach came up and tried to be encouraging. It was kind, I remember the whole conversation. With each statement I felt lied to and frustrated as he tried to tell me I was good, and I knew I wasn’t. My friends told me that maybe baseball wasn’t my sport. I would be good at basketball they said. (Both of these are well intentioned but limiting and, in my opinion, demeaning.) We finished the season, and our team took second. I did not play again.
My growth mindset muscle was weak. It traditionally has been the kind of weak that it is hard to stand back up and the mere thought of falling. The idea of keeping at it kept me from trying so many things. My kids, and many kids, seem like they were born with beefier muscles. The goal is then to learn from them to strengthen my muscle and encourage them to never lose theirs. How do you do that?
1. Keep doing things you’re not good at.
This is first for a reason. It is both the most difficult and most important piece. If you’re not actually taking the risk and doing the thing you don’t know how to do, you really won’t ever get any better at it. You can think about it, research it, dream of it, and you’ll be in exactly the same place you were unless you go and do it. Also, you do have to stick with it long enough to see results. Did I play ball for one season, yes. Was that enough time, no. Keep going friend, you’ll get there.
2. Monitor the actual progress.
Reflect back on the progress you’ve made, more than the time you’ve spent doing it. If your throws are more accurate or your podcast has more downloads or your presentation is more engaging, you won’t even know it if you don’t know where you started or taken the time to look back. You can take this to the next level by taking stock of what things moved the needle the most or looking at trends. You don’t need to though, just make sure you’re showing yourself that you are making progress and are improving.
3. Be honest and objective with where you’re at.
Nothing frustrates me more than the fake platitudes of success. As well-meaning as he was, if my little league coach would have focused less on trying to convince me I was good and instead said yeah, we have things to work on but your swing isn’t getting better in her. Let’s go out and hit. It would have been a huge difference. So don’t tell your friends, your kids, or yourself that you are good or bad at the thing as a whole. Get specific and focus on getting better at the specifics. That will improve the whole thing.
The falling still sucks… do it anyway.
So now I keep going past the pitching machines of adult life. I keep pushing past the bad bosses, failed projects, embarrassing losses, tearful meetings, (I can go on). Sometimes it’s because I know it’s making me better. More often though it is because I want to set the right example for my kids and everyone else watching. This muscle will get bigger, and yours can too.
Inspiring! Thank you!