Have you ever noticed that there are times where it feels like your hands and feet can’t seem to keep up with your motivation and ambition? You have so many ideas and plans and you’re ready to make progress on all of it. Maybe you’re wrinkling your forehead at this because you’re not in that place now and haven’t been for a long time. You still remember the feeling of it right? You still know what it feels like have capacity to get the whole to-do list done and ask yourself, what’s next? Then you might even go out with friends after. The feeling is just great. For me at least, it isn’t even what I accomplished during that time that is exciting, it’s how I felt as a result. College was a great example of this for me. I can feel it, and then confirmed by Facebook status memories that pop up. I was going hard, loving it, and never thought I’d need to slow down.
Many of us know the contrast too. There are seasons of life, weeks of the month, and hours of the day where your body and your mind just need a little more space. You don’t have the bandwidth to complete your top 3 things let alone the whole to-do list. The sheer weight of thinking about everything you need to do is crushing. Often times people will say to do more to get through it. If you look back at my posts, you’ll see the same. There is a time and place to push through and there is a time to slow down. The critical key is knowing the difference.
I have learned this a time or two
As you may already know, I’m a recovering workaholic. Well, the more recent brand of workaholism is taking on more outside activities along with my 9-5. My brain rationalizes this as, because these are not my fulltime job, they aren’t work, they are hobbies. To some extent that might be true. To a more accurate extent, it is all work to some degree. This means I’ve had the opportunity to learn about my need to slow down on a consistent basis. Said another way, I’ve screwed this up a lot. It typically goes something like this. I add yet another thing to the plate. The thing feels infinitely more difficult than it has any right being. I crash over this seemingly small thing. All of the bigger things start to slip as a result.
A time I totally screwed it up
Not too long ago I had stretched myself a bit too thin. I was working on a few bigger projects at work that were causing a little longer days. I had signed on to do some exciting things with the blog. I’m an officer of the Governance Board for our local charter school which required some financial and contract attention which has been a really fun new way to stretch my brain. I also enjoy teaching Sunday school and being with the littles. Personally, we were heading into a busier season of travel to see friends and family. I love seeing all of them but heading to three sides of the state in two weeks was just too much.
At this point, I could feel myself starting to slip. To top it all off my middle guy had a birthday party on our first weekend home. Then, we were asked if we could host a very casual, but still impromptu, get together for just a couple of people. You would have thought someone asked me to host Thanksgiving dinner for 25 guests that day. I could feel my whole body vibrating. I started listing all the things that weren’t done or ready for such an event and said that I needed to run. Because I’m sure that sounded like something extra my husband gave me a sideways glance. To which I responded, look at me, listen to me, I need to go for a run. I need some down time.
My husband devised a plan that included me handling the birthday party, giving me time to run and grocery shop (two quiet and stress relieving activities for me). He would get the house ready and get the little down for a nap and explain to those coming over this would need to be a short get together. I felt better by the time we got home from the birthday party and was all but back to normal by the evening when I could fully just breath and rest.
Preventing getting to that point in the first place
It doesn’t always end with my body vibrating and an inability to make a plan. More often than not I recognize my own triggers telling me I’m getting close to the edge and need to slow down and step back. I am absolutely certain that this is different for everyone but here is what I’ve learned for me after hosing this up so many times (er, gaining the opportunity to work through it so often)
- New things are good, too many at one time will put me over the edge. ‘Do one thing every day that scares you’ really means one thing.
- I’ll admit this is probably the one I’m the least skilled at recognizing. I do try to take inventory and keep it to one (or two) new and scary things at one time.
- I need gaps of solitude to reset. Going from meetings at work, to mom-ing, to meetings for ‘hobbies’, to time with friends is too much and I need to recharge.
- Typically, I’m pretty solid at this one. I know I’m introverted and have figured out ways to build in habits that take me more inward to recharge. Then, I can increase that when needed.
- Not every opportunity is the right one or the right timing. It is ok to say no to things just because you don’t have bandwidth. They want you at your best and you do too.
- When people ask me to be part of things, I try to remind myself of the version of me they are asking. They want a specific skill or value I can bring. If I won’t be able to deliver, I can say no.
Would you recognize your triggers?
Not everyone knows when they are working to hard or pushing themselves too far. (Heck, I don’t always know and I’ve been focused on developing this skill for a long time.) If you’re not sure, I developed a totally free quiz that can help you identify if you’re working too hard at work. Trust me, this all spills over to every area of life eventually so if you’re pushing too hard at work, you’re probably doing the same thing in other areas of life. Click here to take the quiz and find resources based on how hard you’re pushing yourself.
How to recognize (and what to do) when you need to slow down
When you’re high, pause and take in the view.
This might be the most important one (thus it is first) because it will equip you to prevent getting here in the first place. When you’re really excited and doing good work, your life is feeling full and rewarding, stop. Take a beat while you’re driving, in the shower, while you’re cooking, or walking the dog. Just take a second to consider what is all going on in your world and note how you feel while you’re thinking of it. Then, add what you have coming up, personally and professionally.
We can create the stress response in our bodies simply by thinking about it. (If you want more in depth on this click here to read Managing Stress for Working Parents.) That allows us to get deeper and act if needed. You might find that you’re at capacity or that you’re energized and excited by the list in your head. Make adjustments either way (either by pulling back or diving deeper depending on your response) and check in again in a week or two. This will help you prevent a big crash and recognize your limits and triggers in the future.
Enlist help.
Find people in your life that can be relief valves for you. You need to have support both mentally, someone you can share your mental load with that will listen, and physically, someone who can actually help you do the work. In my example, the help came from my spouse. Now, I know that isn’t always the case. It can truly come from anywhere. Your mental release valve could be texting a friend, or your physical relief could advice from someone in a similar situation either personally or at work.
If you’re one of those negative Nancy’s and you’re coming up with all the reasons why that won’t work for you or you don’t have anyone, stop. I have to be the one to tell you, it is probably you. You, like me for many years, probably want to control it and do it yourself. Let go of the pride and ask. When you do, look for what it gave you, not all the reasons it wasn’t exactly perfect. This muscle will get stronger friend. I promise.
Look for ways to regain control.
OK, so maybe I don’t want to completely give up control. When life feels like it’s moving to fast, and I need to slow down, I look for what I can control. This is almost always very small. For example, during the birthday party I could have stayed with the kids. I could have skipped the run and gone to a coffee shop instead. That time was mine to control and I chose running. When I’m completing those projects at work that I was excited about but now feel daunting, I get to decide how they get done. Or perhaps it is those ‘hobbies’ that I took on. I don’t have to do a thing but remind myself that I picked them. I signed up to take this on for a reason, I already took control.