How to Impact a Bad Situation

Can you think of a time that you were angry? Let’s be honest, for many of us that’s been within the past week. I mean really angry though. The kind of angry that you can’t see straight. When frustration and overwhelm start to cloud your vision. What starts as a bad situation, but one that feels manageable, changes. That minor annoyance that you could figure out becomes something you’re spinning on, unable impact, unable to get out of your head. Have you ever had one of those situations? Have you ever felt that kind of angry? I’m guessing at some point you have. Hopefully it doesn’t happen often. When it does, remember that you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and you can change it. When it happens, I still want you to feel empowered and strong. You can always impact the bad situation, no matter how bleak it seems.

A Bad Situation for Bridget

Years ago, I worked with Bridget. She wasn’t perfect, none of us are, and she may have had a few rough edges to even out. If there is one thing she was good at though, it was detail. Bridget was incredibly focused on detail to the point that she would spend hours creating elaborate models and workflows. She wouldn’t share them with anyone until they were ‘ready’. She wasn’t the perfectionist you’d expect because she did get the work complete and ‘ready’, it just took her longer to do it. More importantly, she was more attached to it when it came out. Meaning, if her model wasn’t used or if her workflow was scrapped, it was really frustrating for her. She had put in a lot of work and the product of that work might not even be used.

There was one instance in particular where Bridget had worked on a project for days, if not weeks, only to find that her boss needed something different. It wasn’t that her work wasn’t useful, it was. In the time that it took for her to complete what she was trying to get perfect the need had changed slightly. Bridget was furious. This is when she came to me to vent. Bridget started using exaggerated words, making assumptions based on the fact that her work needed to be changed. She said things like, My boss wants me to scrap the whole thing after this is exactly what he asked me to do. Why do I even bother trying when he doesn’t care about the work I put in? He always does this. He asks me to do one thing and then when I give that to him, all perfect with a bow on top, he wants it to be different, or more of something, I just can’t take that. But seriously, what can I do?

How do you respond to that?

So, with that last question leaving it open to my very blunt and direct mind, I could have jumped in and told her all the things she could do. I didn’t. I asked her, what do you want to do? She continued on her venting and frustration, so I asked her again. What do you want to do? She responded with all the things she wanted her manager to do differently. (At that point I’m sure I made a face; I always make a face.) No Bridget, what do you want to do? Now that you see this as a pattern and now that you know it has this effect on you, what do you want to do? Do you want to think of other strategies to understand what he wants or thinks before you get to the end? Would you want to have a conversation about how much this impacts your work when this happens? Do you want to understand why this keeps happening? Do you want to find a new job? Are you just looking to vent and want to just let it go? What do you want?

Bridget did finally take the bait.

After thinking about it for a long time Bridget said that she wanted to understand why it was happening and find a way to get the feedback before she had put that much time and effort into the work. I said ok, lets think of how you’ll talk to him about it. When we had written out a few points that fit his style of confrontation, Bridget acted like we were done. She said something about not knowing when she’d get a chance to talk to him but that she was glad she was ready. No ma’am. Bridget had her laptop right there, so I strongly encouraged her to put the time on their calendars right then.

Bridget was getting more comfortable by the minute. Working through her plan to address the issue was helping her feel more in control of a bad situation that she was previously spiraling in. She started thanking me for talking her through it and started walking back some of the previous statements she made. I guess I can see how what he’s asking for now will be helpful. While I did spend a lot of time on that project, I probably should have had him take a look at it before it was completely finished. I wonder if other people have had to talk to him about this before?

How do you make your bad situation productive?

Maybe your issue isn’t a project that your boss ‘politely hated’ as we say. Perhaps your situation is more personal, more intentional, or even something that seems to be 100% the other person’s fault. To impact that situation you’re still going to follow the very simple, 3 basic steps.

1. Make a decision. Whether it’s right or wrong, doesn’t matter as much as you think.

Bridget may have totally chosen wrong. Maybe the best option isn’t to discuss it but to start looking for work that better matches her skill set. Or perhaps she should have just stuck with venting if this only comes up once in a while. Picking the perfect decision isn’t nearly as important as making the decision. Now, I did say that Bridget was a perfectionist, and she did spend a little more time than I gave space to thinking about the best option to address the situation. I left that off because it doesn’t serve you. If you try one and it doesn’t work as well as you’d like. Try something else.

Afterall, what did Teddy Roosevelt teach us? The best decision is the right decision. The next best decision is the wrong decision. The worst decision is no decision. Meaning, just do something. Even if it isn’t the best and most productive option, you can still do something that will make you progress. Also, note that Bridget had me to bounce ideas off of, and in this case get ideas from. Make your own decision but enlist some help if you’re seeing too much red to come up with the options on your own.

Take action.

Making the decision empowers you. Just making it is a form of taking action. You have now set into motion what you hope to see. Notice that Bridget was much more comfortable after just deciding. Knowing what you want infinitely increases the chances that you’ll get it. Then take some sort of action to get you there. In Bridget’s case we took two steps. We brainstormed points to discuss with her boss and set the time on the calendar. Two very small steps in terms of time commitment to do them but huge in getting the ball rolling and solidifying your plan. Your steps don’t have to be huge to be impactful.

What am I getting from this bad situation?

When you’re in these situations, consider, what can I take away from this? This is one that is a little hard to prompt in others so I was thrilled to hear Bridget start doing it organically. Honestly, people usually do once they start feeling more in control. Let’s break that down. Any time you’re in a bad situation you can consider what your learning, what you’re curious about, how you could have contributed to it, and so on. I’m not saying to take the blame. I’m saying learn from these painful moments. Hold up the mirror to see what you could do better for next time. Get curious about how your actions impact responses or how you can use even the worst of bad situations to improve in the future.