Why You Need a Work Best Friend and How to Find One

There is a fun game that my husband and I like to play called Translate and Support. (Maybe not a catchy name, I’ll work on it.) In this game one of us passionately explains either a highlight or low point of the day while the other nods and supports everything the other person says. Then, the person telling the story translates the experience to the other person’s type of work. Both of us can then double down on agreement. The translation part is important for us because I’m in corporate and he is a contractor. I spend my day in emails, on Zoom calls, coaching teams while he spends his day on job sites, coordinating subs, and working with building materials. At the end of the day, if we didn’t translate, we’d be nodding blindly because we really don’t understand each other’s worlds. I mean, I love him, and he’s probably my best friend, he just can’t be my work best friend.

Translate and Support in action

Recently we were in the truck with the kids, and I started out the game. It went something like this, ‘I could feel smoke coming out of my ears. (insert all of the details of the story) Can you believe that?! It‘s like having the signed contract on a house and the customer coming back insisting, a whole bunch of upgrades be included in it.’ At that point we’re on the same page. We can play off of each other’s understanding of the situation. It turns into problem solving and next steps but takes a while. It took us a full 30 minutes on that one to get from ‘I could feel the smoke…‘ to ‘We’ll have to walk through the document again and clarify any notes and then reset expectations.‘ That has gotten much shorter over the years too as we’ve gotten better at translating.

To contrast, I wanted to tell this same story to my bestie at work. That conversation went a little differently. I sent her a head exploding emoji. She replied with, ‘OMG are you kidding me?’ I said, ‘wish I was’ She said, ‘We need to increase our documentation.’ We went from frustration to solution in 90 seconds. The best part was, she was out of the office and had been for a week. She wasn’t there for the meeting she wasn’t even in the office that day. We’re just so in sync in this part of life that we get it. Where my husband and I don’t understand everything about each other’s careers, she and I do.

Having Someone who Does Understand Matters

My husband and I love talking work together. Our kids like being part of the conversation as well. My friends and I trade stories with the different industries we’re in too. It is great to have that diversity and perspective. It is also critical that we have someone who we can just get to the point with. We need our person at work that can go from frustration to solution in seconds.

This is not just my opinion. Major outlets devote time, research, and resources to why friendships at work are so critical and how to create and support them. Yes, it impacts business outcomes and solutions, as in my example, but it goes deeper than that too. Gallup has made it their business to know more about employees than anyone else in the world. Their Q12 survey that dissects and assists in analyzing employee engagement and effectiveness. In an article from August, 2022 they drill into why a best friend at work is so much more important since the pandemic. Read the full article for yourself here but know that our need for connection at work, and with regard to areas tied to work (such as transition to home life, childcare, etc), has increased since the pandemic.

The Harvard Business Review, see the full article here, they cover how companies can support their employees in creating the same type of bonds I have and love. A few notes I found particularly helpful from the article:

• The buddy system: create a structure to support new employees finding their person. It can be a mentor or just an engaged and friendly teammate but set the foundation for success.
• Jam constantly: look for opportunities to have employees work together to solve problems and let them ‘jam out’ on it. Think of all the great bands that love what they do, they are playing together all the time. Look for opportunities to get people ‘playing’ in your organization all the time.

Find Yourself a Work Best Friend

I can hear some of you saying, that all sounds great Kel, but do you want me just going around asking people to be my friend? I thought the same thing the first time I heard about this research and concept. It feels awkward and silly to try and make new work friends. To be honest, when I found my person, I wasn’t really trying to. Looking back however, I can see some clear opportunities that she and I took to get here.

1. Initiate Conversations: Take the initiative to start conversations with your coworkers. Ask about their interests, hobbies, and background. Show curiosity and actively listen to their responses. This can help build rapport and find common ground. I hate starting small talk but asking questions and sincerely listening to the answers got us much closer.
2. Show Empathy and Active Listening: Be empathetic and attentive when your coworkers share their thoughts, concerns, or achievements. Show that you genuinely care about their well-being and success. Actively listen, provide encouragement, and offer support when needed. Even when we do completely different work and have different perspective and goals we’re able to lean into what the other is going through and support.
3. Offer Support and Help: Show your willingness to assist your colleagues when they need help. Offer your expertise, provide guidance, or lend a hand when they are facing challenges. By being supportive, you can develop trust and strengthen your relationships. This was probably the biggest one. Be the first one to offer help on some level. Showing that you’re willing to roll up your sleeves for another person bonds you and shows them and others that you’re someone to be in connection with.