Around this time of year I tend to get some mom guilt from being a working mom. Let me be clear first and foremost, I love being a working mom. It is amazing and there are benefits to it that I wouldn’t trade. However, when they are out of school and hear about more friends going and doing this or that or simply just getting more time to play at home, it gets hard. I want to be able to do all the things. We could have picnics and go to the lake. We want to lazy mornings on the couch and stay up late with campfires. There is baseball to play, frogs to catch, projects to get done, sprinklers to jump in, and family to visit. With my priorities at work and at home we run low on time to do all of it and kids are never shy on asking for exactly what they want.
It’s getting worse as time goes on. I’ll be honest, I was not a fan of the infant and baby stage. I look back at pictures now and appreciate it, but it wasn’t my top pick of the parenting work. Now though, now that my kids are a little older, I am in love with the stage we’re in. They still want to hang out with me, and they have preferences, attention spans, interests, and points of view. It is the best. When they were really little it didn’t bother me as much because they didn’t know the difference between summer and the school year. They were having a ton of fun at daycare and truthfully, all of the fun things that I wanted to do fit in the afternoons and weekends. Now though, it’s a whole new ball game.
People say awful things to working moms
As if it wasn’t hard enough trying to balance it all, people feel the need to help with all kinds of comments and questions. It is unbelievable the things people say to working moms. Women, men, family, friends, strangers, you name it, they all have an opinion. They don’t mind sharing their opinion either. As a working mom I’ve heard more condescending or outright mean things than I can count, and I consider myself well supported! I can’t even imagine what some other working mom’s are dealing with. (Side note, I’d love for you to share the craziest thing you’ve heard as a working mom.) A few things I’ve either heard myself or heard second hand:
- I could never let someone else raise my kids. (or) I didn’t have kids for someone else to raise.
- It must be nice to get a break every day.
- You can’t take money with you and you’re missing all those memories.
- Being a mom is a full time job, if. done. properly.
- Why would you need a break? I thought you worked because you enjoyed it.
- Don’t you miss your kids? I could never miss all the firsts.
- I’m so blessed that my husband provides for the family so that I can stay at home.
But was that all supposed to be mean?
Well, that is just a few of them. For me personally I’ve heard many of these in what is meant to be a kind, supportive, or helpful way. Sometimes they are meant to defend the choices of others, or the speaker themselves. To which I say, I truly do appreciate the intention, but we can all have a variety of choices and not condescend others’ decision. I’m noticing, over the past decade but now more than ever, that there is room for all of it. Working mom, stay at home mom, summers off mom, __fill in the blank ___ mom, we’re all Mom, full stop. So, I mean no disrespect or side eye to any of the mom’s and we can certainly come to together on these things.
I’m noticing, being a working mom in the summer builds
Balance
I am an introvert to my core. Quiet time and time spent focusing on what I want to focus on is a must. Left unsupervised, with no structured hours, I would disappear into my book, laptop, floor of my closet, wherever for hours on end. Having the structure of work and the limitations of the hours I’m with my family is honestly a great way for me to keep that balance and not go full on hobbit hole. Now, I know that this is also true for at least one of my kids. Which means, it is great to allow him to still go to daycare, though he is definitely to the age where he doesn’t need constant supervision. He can stay in touch with his social skills then retreat to his room and his music sometimes at home. Our structured hours provide the balance for activities, fun with the family, and time to get work done.
For me personally, working hybrid and having kids home sometimes when I’m home is such a blessing. Are there a plethora of other ways to achieve this same balance? Of course there are, but working at home and outside the home is one way that works great for me.
Independence
Financial independence is very important to me. Being in a position of power financially means having the money to do what I want, when I want, how I want without worrying about how it is impacting the table stakes. Fortunately for me, I have pretty inexpensive taste and I find immense joy in simple, and often free, things. (For example, the big event of the summer right now is city league baseball and looking under bridges at the park for crawfish. Both free but for the gas it takes to get there.) Independence in my time is also important, see balance above. Having a break from the needs of everyone via a commute, a solo walk with my dog or run, or time listening to a podcast is critical to my success as a mom, wife, employee, person.
Having a source of income, whether it is ‘needed’ or not, is how I achieve this independence. I have a system set up that supports the table stakes and am comfortable in spending the money in a way that suits me. Having a job outside the home also supports the independence of my time. There would be many who raise an eyebrow at that. As we all know, there are no sick days, vacation days, or holidays as a parent. There are where I work. It helps me segregate the time as time for me if I’ve taken it and marked it down on the calendar. This is my break whether I share it with the kids, or keep it all to myself, I have it clearly laid out because of my job.
Support
This is a newer one for me and where I think we can all really come together. In the time leading up to this summer and as we’ve moved into the summer days I’ve developed or strengthened relationships with stay-at-home moms, part-time working moms, teacher moms, work-from-home moms, and everything in between. You know what we all had in common? We wanted our kids to have the best freaking summer they could. Some wanted their kids out of the house. Other’s wanted to go on all the adventures. Some mom’s wanted more playmates for their kiddos who were home already getting ‘So BORED!’ We needed pick-ups and drop offs and someone to catch a baseball and someone to let them get so bored together.
These kids are learning to respect other adults, play and adventure in new places with different rules, and to just enjoy a little variety. They are having a magical summer by getting ice cream in the middle of the day and doing chores to earn the next one and spending time in the normal they’ve come to enjoy at daycare or home or wherever that homebase is.
Let’s maybe wear those working mom slams as a badge of honor
I wouldn’t trade being a working mom for much of anything. Yes, I love spending time with my kids. I love that they are being raised by the whole village. So yeah, I did have kids for other people to raise them. Getting a break with them, and from them, is amazing and needed. Learning ways to embody balance and teach it to them has been awesome for all of us, me, those boys, and all of us moms included.