How much do you dread walking into your boss’ office, or opening up that Zoom invite, to join your one-on-one meeting? I have heard words like fear, dread, frustration, concern, anxiety, all to describe what should be a meeting that you should be the leader of. Take control of that 1:1 and focus it on what it is there for, you. That meeting exists for your growth, your development, and your requests, not the other way around. While _____ states that this ownership is on the leader, I believe that some of the responsibility lies with the individual as well. Take control of the meeting that exists for you to make the most of it.
‘My meeting?’ I don’t even want it
When I was still in an individual contributor role, I had a friend who was on a separate but similar team. We did the same type of work but had two different managers. She shared how she was getting burnt out and frustrated. Her work was getting done, sure, but it was feeling monotonous. This was just an offhanded complaint by her.
She wasn’t overly concerned. I, on the other hand, was worried. Once your work starts feeling boring it’s only a matter of time before you stop doing it to some extent. If a person is board and complacent in their work, they will either quit and leave or quit and stay with time. So, I asked her, ‘Have you brought this up in your 1:1 with your boss?’ ‘No, I hate those meetings. All they are is her making sure I checked every single thing off the list.’ ‘But those are your meetings, use them for what you need.’ I said. ‘My meetings?!’ she responded ‘I don’t even want them.’
The 1:1 was just to check the to-do list?
After a little more discussion, I found out that every month about the end of the month my friend and her boss would get together for 30 minutes. The manager would systematically ask her about each and every task she completes for the month and for production numbers. The manager would then share quality scores for the team and my friend individually, and the call was over.
That would be painful. I would probably share the I don’t even want them sentiment if that was how my one-on-ones were going. It really only reiterates your tasks and leaves room only for correction. When you list all of the tasks with verbal check boxes there’s no room for celebrations or discussions around what could be done better. The meeting isn’t supporting my friend in developing skills like critical thinking, process improvement, or even communication. Not only that, but it doesn’t support her growth within the company if that is what she is interested in.
What’s possible when you take control
If you’re thinking that this friend of mine could be you, there is a better way. Take control of the meeting and you can get all of what is missing above. When you are in the driver’s seat of your 1:1 you get to direct the conversation and focus it in areas that are important for you. For example, did you work hard and pull off a deadline that no one expected? You can start with that right off the bat. Were you worried about presenting to the team in the last huddle but got rave reviews? Make sure you call it out! Your boss is likely managing several people in addition to you. They want to celebrate but they get pulled in so many directions they may miss it. Are you worried they don’t want to celebrate, all the more reason to call out your wins.
When you take control of the meeting you can share a few losses too. Take time in your 1:1 to share what isn’t working. From there you can show off your great critical thinking and problem-solving skills. What solutions could you recommend? What have you seen work well in other situations? You get to show your stuff even from the losses my friend. They call them opportunities for a reason. Use those opportunities to practice taking the lead in your work and career. It will also set you up in a place of strength to make requests. Curious what this might look like in action? I recorded a whole YouTube video for you with the exact script to use in taking control of the meeting. Click here and go check it out.
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Are you reading as a leader and wishing they’d take control of the meeting?
If you lead people and you’re thinking YES! How do I get my folks to do this?! I have been there friend. It’s frustrating because despite your intent it can be really hard to know what you want and fall into the same pattern as the boss I mentioned above. You certainly don’t want your employees falling in the quit and leave or quit and stay categories. So how do you nudge them to take control? First and foremost, be patient. It is easy to jump into ‘our list’ when the employee doesn’t take control of the meeting. Stop yourself, get curious about what their working on and ask more questions to get them going. If they simply won’t take the ball and run, start modeling what you’re looking for. This YouTube video is just for you in walking through the ‘how’ as a leader.
Looking for more? There are a couple of options. First, click here and go watch the YouTube video. Also, there is a great book called Brag, Worry, Wonder, Wish by Steve King. I got to learn from Steve at a leadership seminar. He was a great instructor. Our styles don’t perfectly align however that just goes to show that great leadership tools work regardless of the style or personality type. By using a variation of his model I was able to craft a structure for my team that not only allowed but encouraged them in taking the lead in their 1:1’s. I encourage you to do the same for your teams.
But what happened to that friend?
That friend of mine never actually took my advice. She didn’t see the point in taking initiative in a meeting that she dreaded having. I was disappointed but I can’t say I was surprised. How did it turn out? Exactly like I thought it would. She opted for the ‘quit and stay’ option. She still does the same work, in the same role, with the same complaints about monotony. Now, she also complains about being passed over for promotions. Worse yet, I don’t know that her company even realizes how much money she’s costing them. She isn’t engaged in the work anymore meaning that expense management, innovation, and exceeding goals aren’t even on her radar. With her tenure, they ask her to mentor newer employees. That friend, and the organization, don’t even see the cost of not putting the 1:1’s in her hands and having her take control of the meeting.
My 1:1 with my boss seems to go well. I do as you say. The issue is not with my boss the issue is with her boss. I get board with my job I have expressed this. I even suggest new items for me to do, review, and test. My bosses boss just doesn’t seem to want to focus on our half of the department. So that is where everything is left. I have tried to better myself here at my company. I have been told I am very qualified and do excellent at my job, but there I am left. With no really feedback. You are perfect for the job, but just wanted to hire someone else at this time, but you’re amazing and we love working with you. I have gotten this twice in the last year. Maybe I should stop trying within my company and start fresh…..
It’s possible that it’s time to move on. Based on what you’re sharing, if I were in your shoes, I’d want answers to the following questions.
Based on hiring:
What set X (recent hire) apart from the pack? What specific skill did he/she have that caused you to choose them? Are those skills you’d like to see me further develop?
Based your comments on your half of the department:
What projects, reviews, or tests would be useful for the department as a whole? Could I partner with X (member of other 1/2 of the department you respect) to work toward this?
It’s possible you’re delivering on projects, services, or skills that the dept head doesn’t value. It doesn’t mean you didn’t do great work, just that it wasn’t applicable to what they needed. Make sure you’re aligned in the need and ask the questions to get there.