Have you ever heard of the fable of the boiling frog? Many have used it as a parable to warn against the evils of this world. This warning could be anything from climate change, politics, toxic relationships, leaders, etc. To some extent, I think those warnings miss the point. Is the parable really about the water and who controls the heat? I think not. The water could be anything in life and what the parable is actually teaching, is about you, your tolerance level, and your ability to act.
So, what is the fable of the boiling frog?
In the fable of the boiling frog, there are two frogs and two pots of water. The first pot is piping hot. The water in the pot is at a rolling boil when we enter the scene. A frog is then placed in the pot and feeling the excruciating temperature of the water, jump immediately out of the water. This frog is hurt but saved from certain death in boiling water.
The second pot is sitting idle on the stove. There is no heat within underneath it and the water is at room temperature, maybe even cool. A frog is placed in this pot and feeling the comfort of the water, stays where it is put. This is when the heat is slowly turned on. Not at a high flame but only enough to, over time, produce a slow simmer. The water gets warmer, but the frog doesn’t even notice at first, it might even appreciate the warmth. With time the heat gets higher and higher eventually getting uncomfortable for the frog, but it’s just so used to the water, it doesn’t jump. As the temperature rises, little by little, it eventually comes to a boil. The frog is boiled alive with plenty of time and ability to escape, it just never did.
What if it weren’t a frog, but a dog?
Here is where I feel inclined to tell you that this fable is not true. I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent a fair amount of time with frogs in my day. If you put a frog in anything that it can jump out of, it will. Meaning, regardless of the rate the temperature change and its motivations, the frog would jump well before the water started boiling. I wanted to start here because it’s a similar message and easier to accept without a broken heart than the real science is. Here is where I tell you that if you’re a dog lover, accept that you know the point and skip over the next paragraph. Same message but with the science behind it, you just go ahead and use that frog metaphor.
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The tolerance of dogs to electric shock
There were two scientists, Seligman and Maier, who were observing the effect of fear and learning on dogs in 1965. They placed the dogs in a pen that had an electric mat on the floor. The two scientists would ring a bell and shock the mat, which in turn shocked the dog. The dog would jump but because the mat covered the floor of the pen, they could not escape the shock. Eventually the dogs stopped jumping. Then the scientists took dogs who hadn’t previously been shocked, and their ring/shock combo group, and put them into pens that had a low wall in the middle. On one side of the wall, was the mat that would shock them, on the other side there was no mat.
The dogs who had previously been shocked with the bell simply laid down when the shock was administered. But the dogs who hadn’t previously been shocked jumped over the little wall to safety. The dogs did learn to fear the bell, the hypothesis being tested, but also learned they couldn’t escape the shock, regardless of the situation. Penn State produced a short article explaining the experiment click here to read it and see diagrams of the dog’s situation.
What does this mean for our tolerance and expectations?
OK, dog lovers are you back with us? In either story, whether you’re following the metaphor or the science, you might be wondering how this is applicable to you. Afterall, you’re smarter than a dog and certainly make decisions and take action based on more information than a frog, right? Unfortunately, not necessarily. You see, we often make decisions based on patterns in our brain or short cuts for us mentally.
You learn what ‘works’ for you by looking for some small win. If your win is feeling the relief is getting out of taking action by shifting responsibility or simply enduring a negative situation, you learn to do that in more situations. Eventually what you’ve learned becomes habit, because your brain likes those patterns. Your habit to blame someone else or take the passive approach continues even when you don’t realize it. That is just the easiest pattern for your brain to follow.
Let’s find an example, Tolerant Tony
Tony has been doing the same job for 6 years. He’s gotten raises and atta boys over the years but was content essentially doing the same work for the same leaders. There is some stress, but hey, that’s work, that is how it goes. He begins to notice a shift in scrutiny and an increase in expectations. Tony has always been a hard worker and put in the time to get his job done right, but now it seems he needs to work just a little longer. His boss gives him a few thank yous and atta boys and Tony feels appreciated. There is still some stress, but hey, that’s work, that is how it goes.
Another six months go by, and Tony is feeling beat down. He still hears the thank yous but he’s getting criticized for every mistake. Meanwhile, he’s working longer hours than ever before. The past week his wife had the kids come tell him good night in his home office because he never walked away from his desk. He’s frustrated and doesn’t know how he got to this place. Tony is stressed out. He tells himself, that’s work, that is how it goes.
Tony is smart. Why hasn’t he acted?
In that very short and simple example, Tony is about to his boiling point and still lays down on his mat. (Yes, I’m totally mixing the metaphors. It’s my blog I’ll do what I want.) Tony has learned to be completely helpless in this situation and to simply tolerate anything and everything without taking action. After telling himself the same thing over and over again for 5, 6, or 7 years it has become his mantra, his calling card. He gets rewarded every time he uses it too, because it takes all the ownership off of him.
Is your go to pattern one of tolerance or one of action?
There are so many ways for us to teach ourselves to deal with problems. You can take the passive approach, which can be positive or negative.
There are problems everywhere, better to deal with the Devil you know. or The grass isn’t always greener.
You can make excuses. (Which is just a way to pretend you would be active, but still do nothing.)
No one actually likes work, that’s why they call it work. or Finding a job is a job. I don’t have time for two jobs.
You could take the more active approach, which again, could be positive or negative.
We can fix this. or I’m not dealing with this anymore. Followed by some step, even if it is small.
Any of those resonate with you?
Which of those categories resonates for you? Are you hopefully passive? Do you make excuses to allow you to stay stuck? Or are you owning the situation with an active approach? Now, let me be clear, not every negative situation is a reason to jump the wall for the other side. Every negative situation is an opportunity to be less like the dog and the frog and objectively assess your tolerance level and what action is warranted.
You are different from the dog and the frog. You do have the capacity to make better and more informed decisions. These decisions should include, but be based on more than, your level of tolerance for the heat and the pain. Your tolerance will increase for a long time. What will be enough for you? What will cause you to jump out of the pot and off of the mat? Because we can’t have you increasing your tolerance without increasing your expectations. Whether you’re ready to jump out of the pot (or over the wall), or you’re interested making the water you’re in more comfortable, let me know you’re ready to take action, I can help.