Listen More to Hit your Goals

There isn’t much that’s more frustrating than setting a goal, maybe making a little progress in the beginning, and then stalling out and sitting stagnant. We all have the best of intentions but let’s be honest, we lose momentum, and we forget that even a little progress is better than nothing. I see this all the time in health, finances, and yeah, careers too. Taking the time to listen not only to others but to yourself will move you exponentially further toward your goals, if, you discern what is serving you in the process.

How it used to go

I know you’ve heard some of this before but back in the day, I did not set goals. I was morally opposed to setting them. If I realized I accidently had one I would try to talk myself out of it. Later I started setting goals but would focus on being really squishy because I still wasn’t too sure about it. In both of those stages if something I wanted or was hoping for didn’t pan out, I would convince myself that was intentional.

For example, if I wanted to run a race at a specific speed, and ended up finishing much slower, it was because the real goal was to spend time with my friend. She didn’t have a time goal and just wanted to finish and have a free beer, so I walked and had a beer. If what I wanted was to lead leaders but that came in the form of party planning, yet again, the real goal must have been to work with leaders. I was rationalizing playing incredibly small because what I was doing wasn’t setting me up to be successful in the goal. In the end it isn’t because the goal changed or because I needed flexibility it’s really because I flat out quit on myself or pulled back to the point that I couldn’t lose.

So I just kept talking

There were all sorts of messages that I just wasn’t listening to. On the run, I had made so many excuses about training that I wasn’t ready to run the full race by the time I got there. I couldn’t tell you how many times my husband suggested I train, and it was too cold, too boring, or I hadn’t had enough water. On race day it was too wet, the wind too brisk, or the sun too bright that it just wasn’t feasible. Not to mention that I would never want to leave my friend because gasp, what would she say?! She said go, run, run fast, I’m fine. She said it like out loud several times and yet, I sabotaged my goal for fear of wrecking her day.

I did it in my career too. When I said that I wanted to lead leaders I meant I wanted to influence decision making. I wanted to coach and mentor and develop those who led others. Party planning was a great way to do that, in the beginning. I fully recommend it for those who are first learning how to influence a group with a variety of personalities and ideas. Years in though, there are bigger projects to work. Teaching others to lead and influence that group to name just one. Particularly if someone offers to lead but needs some help. I’m over here saying OK I’ll do this and I’ll do that and then I myself delegate.

It’s like I was plugging my ears going lalalalala, any time anyone, including me, tried to remind me of the goal and what I could do to get closer to it. I was getting all of that valuable feedback and not listening to a word of it.

How we can start to listen more

I am still a work in progress on this whole listening thing, however, I’ve made a lot of progress. The first thing I would say that has made the biggest impact for me is setting the vision for my life. It is no longer an option to throw a goal out the window because it is contributing to my vision. I don’t have any insignificant goals anymore that I can quit on. All of them are tied to a huge why that is out there in the future and to get there, I need to take action now. If you still don’t know how to set a vision for your life go back and read Quit Setting Goals, Cast a Vision Instead.

Listen more to others

1. Simply believe other people when they tell you things. If you have been one to assume there is a hidden meaning behind some comments or suggestions in the past, let it go. Even if you have proof that you’re right, let it go. For example, had I trained when my husband suggested, instead of assuming he didn’t mean it or would be annoyed, I would have been ready for the race. Even if he was annoyed, I still would have been ready. And you know what, he likely wouldn’t have been. Same with my friend. When you want to run, and your best friend says go, just freaking go.
2. Make space to get curious and ask questions. Let people know you’re working toward something, why, and what you are afraid will get in your way. Start to ask questions and dig into the issue with your boss, your peers, or a mentor. If you haven’t already, tell them what you’re working toward, what your plan is, what you’ve done so far, and ask for their thoughts. Then when they speak, see tip #1. Don’t tell the whole world. Only tell someone who will lift you up, and ideally someone who’s been there before. If you have a goal and no one to support it, check in here. Tell me, I’ll be there for you.
3. Leave your ego at the door. You’re getting feedback friend. It might come in a different sort of package if you’re working on a personal goal or a professional goal that is personal to you but it’s still feedback. Now, keep in mind that while you get to choose if and how you apply that feedback you can’t do so consciously without checking your ego and listening to what they have to say.

Listen more to yourself

You are probably giving yourself some feedback as well. There are two forms of a little voice that sit in our brain. One comes from a place of courage and the other a place of fear. Both are useful but we need to listen a little differently.

1. There is that little voice inside of you that is saying, go for it. Do the work. Don’t stop now. Start listening and acting. When you are feeling the energy and the flow and all of the courage to take that next little baby step, do it. Sometimes that excitement grows into a ball in your stomach, and you want to propose a new project at work or put on those running shoes. If it is new and uncomfortable for you, you will hit the brakes. You will sabotage yourself just like I did, if you haven’t acted on it. So before you do, take one small step. I don’t mean drop everything you’re doing and run out the door or email your boss some half-baked plan. I mean, if it hits you while you’re making dinner, say it out loud. If you’re getting excited when you wake in the middle of the night, set some time in your calendar. Do something, take action.
2. That other little voice is the one who cools you off and tells you that you can’t. It is the one that so many of us unfortunately listen to and apply blindly. It was the one who told me my friend would be upset or that the one who wanted to plan the party wasn’t ready. I want you to listen to that voice too. But I want you to get curious before you act. Why is it saying no? What is it trying to protect you from? Decide how to act accordingly.