How to Be Heard when No One is Listening

After 12 years of service, Amanda was actually ready to quit her job over never feeling heard. Can you imagine? Could you feel like no one is listening enough to actually quit your job? What if it went on for more than a decade? Amanda set up a discovery call with me because she was frustrated and at her wits end. No one was listening to her regardless of how good her ideas were, how frustrated she was with the outcome, or how much she disengaged. They just kept on ignoring everything she needed. What would you do in a situation like that? Well, I’m going to help you understand it from Amanda’s perspective, and give you my recommendations. If you are looking for some actionable scripts that can help you be heard today, check out the YouTube video here.

Amanda just wants to be heard

When Amanda first started in her role she was focused on one thing, changing how payments were made to vendors. That was her whole goal and she rested the future of her career on that goal. She had come from an organization that that was ahead of its time issuing electronic payments. Nearly all of the vendor payments were electronic in fact. She knew just how much money it saved the company to make electronic payments rather than checks. There were internal efficiencies and those vendors appreciated getting the money deposited directly into their accounts. So when she came to her new company, she had a one-track mind. The only problem was, no one would take the time to listen.

When Amanda could get some leader to sit through her explanation of what they needed to do to make the change, she would be met with excuses of how they weren’t the decision maker, there were competing priorities, it was too big of a change to manage, etcetera. She was charged with managing expenses, and even though she had the magic bullet that could change everything, she was annoyed because she couldn’t use it.

And then the stories of why no one is listening started

It seemed like senior leaders knew she would get the credit for the idea so they didn’t want to do it. No one was listening because they didn’t want to make the change. They didn’t want to have to make the hard decisions that come with reallocating staff if the process was more efficient. Amanda would probably be promoted for the hundreds of thousands of dollars she could be saving, but they wouldn’t want that. They had protégées that they would want to promote, not her. After 12 years, she was still struggling to get her idea off the ground and had completely convinced herself that all of the senior leaders were intentionally ignoring her in an effort to stunt her career.

Why no one is listening to Amanda

Listening to the whole story from Amanda’s perspective on our first call gave so many clues. I asked so many follow up questions to better understand what she’d done in the past and how she impacted the situation. Her determination and belief in her idea, even after 12 years, was remarkable. The dedication to a company that she believed was actively working against her, because she truly believed she had the key to revolutionizing their expenses, processes, and vender partner relationships was astounding.

I could see from her responses that there were three major roadblocks standing in her way creating the impression that no one is listening to her. Over the years, while she was hoping, wishing, and talking about what she wanted to happen, I didn’t hear one example of her asking for what she wanted. After not asking for so long she’d probably become associated with complaining that they didn’t have electronic payments. However, she couldn’t share any evidence of truth to the stories she’d written over the years on why things never changed. I could help her build the skills to influence others, but we needed solid ground to build on first.

3 steps for when no one is listening

Shift the stories.

You might not be able to completely remove the stories you’re hearing in you mind. It is human nature to fill in those gaps and for some of us, it is harder to break free. You can catch them though. When you hear yourself spiraling down, on a path to guessing why you don’t have what you want, ask yourself a question. Do I know this to be true? How do I know that there are other managers being groomed as protege’s? Is there evidence that ‘they’ want your career stalled? Could I tell if I was watching with a clip board? What would I write down? If you don’t have objective proof, shift the story. Even if you still feel it. (Like I said, they can be heard thoughts for us to break.) When you catch yourself thinking it, remind yourself, I can’t find any proof that _____. I don’t have objective reasons for thinking ____.

Ask for what you want, leading with why you want it.

It sounds so simple right? For many of us, Amanda especially, you feel like you already did this part. I am going to challenge you on this one, just like I did her. Did you ask for what you want, or did you imply that you needed something? Or was your first thought, they should already know?

Maybe you’re not making a companywide change like Amanda was hoping for. Maybe it is smaller. Were you expecting them to step up or deliver or anticipate your needs for time, a report, or help on a project? Keep in mind that we’ve talked about how important it is to have (fill in the blank). Doesn’t really fit the bill either. Be kind and direct. Start with why you need whatever you’re requesting and then ask for it directly with a timeline. If you need some specifics on asking for what you want, check out YouTube. If this section has you questioning, what do I really want? I strongly encourage you to grab the Uncertain to Unstoppable guide. It is totally free and will help you not only figure out what you want but how to get it, and what to do in the face of obstacles.

Find an ally to assist.

Sometimes it is easier for some people to get things than others. It could be due to title or status, a difference in the relationship, or just a reminder coming from an additional person. There is nothing wrong with bringing someone else in to assist in getting what you need, as long as you don’t use it as a crutch. For example, if you know that Jim has a history of responding better to his peers than those who are below him in rank. Don’t waste time spiraling, ask directly and then have your supervisor step in.

You can know it’s ridiculous and get what you need. It’s not worth your time fighting that uphill battle creating stories that hurt you in the long run. Or, if you know you’re too angry or frustrated to handle the situation the way you want to, like Amanda was, ask a colleague who would also benefit from what you’re requesting to make the ask.

When it comes down to it, no one has to listen

Most people who see the title of this article will get excited with some level of self-righteousness. Then they’ll be disappointed that my action steps are ways that they need to handle themselves differently to make it happen. They will opt to focus on the third step and make excuses for the first two. That’s fine. You don’t have to be heard. You never have to assert yourself and make changes. But when you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you always got. Don’t let that be you. Make your needs heard. Take the steps. Yes, lean on allies and get help when you need it but do that as a steppingstone to a stronger and more assertive you. Not because you have to, because you don’t. Take the steps now because you can become a better version of you that you never had to become.